A Season to Remember.

God's timing is impeccable. Last week was one of those weeks that made you feel like each day went by so slowly but in retrospect the whole week went by pretty fast. I have a feeling that I'm going to have a lot more of these in the coming months... -_-; Before you know it, it'll be August and I'll be heading back to America for a safe and happy landing.

Note to self: time waits for no man. As I enter my 6 month relationship with Japan, I am torn between saying, "I only have 4 months left!" and "I still have 4 months left!" I wonder if it changes anything? One denotes urgency while the other implies positivity. Either way, I'm sure it's good for me. To be honest, I can't believe time has gone by this fast. I seriously feel like it was just last month that I was an emotional mess at the airport while saying goodbye to friends and family. Since then, God has taken me on a bittersweet but mostly SWEET journey. I could not possibly begin to imagine what my life would have been like had I not said, "Yes." I know I say this a lot, but I KNOW WHY GOD BROUGHT ME HERE. There is NEVER a day that has passed without knowing why I came. Of course there were hard, long, not-so-good, feeling blue/lonely, discouraging, under the weather days, but through it ALL God has been right there. One of the songs that has become my anthem during my time here is Hillsong's "Through It All." I like it because the lyrics are so simple yet it says so much.

You are forever in my life

You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness
And I look to You
And I wait on You

I will sing to You, Lord
A hymn of love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
Through it all

Hallelujah, hallelujah

By the end of my 10 month mission trip, I will have gone through all four seasons- both in a physical and spiritual sense. In a season of my "equivalent to vapor" life, every season within the season has been one to remember... forever. A brief |rewind| + |pause| + |fast-forward| of what |has been| + |is now| + |is yet to come|.

SPRING FLING. I've had my share of spring (when I first arrived in October) where everything was so beautiful, new, exciting, and filled with butterflies- kind of like being in "like" (or lust) with someone for the first time. I was full of passion and ready to take on the world, or at least Japan. My theme song was Britt Nicole's "Set the World on Fire." What more can I say?

WINTER BLUES. However instead of summer came winter- I think it was the cold and unpredictable weather affected my emotions. I felt okay and I seemed to be fine but subconsciously I think I was feeling a bit homesick. Although I adjusted well to Japanese culture and life, there was still a part of me that longed for familiarity and the comforts of American culture, TLC from friends and family, and fellowship from a spiritual community. I found myself feeling down and not knowing why... my mood suddenly would be up one moment and down the next- I felt bipolar. I think I make it sound worse than it really was. HAHA. If you asked me how I was, I was truly REALLY GOOD. I was more than happy... I was joyful. I truly was. But of course there were moments where I felt emotionally drained, which in turn affected my physical health. My body was getting used to this new lifestyle and even though it was enduring in the beginning, I began to slowly break down. However, spiritually I had my Friday night service to get me energized and pumped up for the weekend- I truly believe finding that Korean church to sing praise and listen to a sermon was a part of God's divine appointment. If I look back, I sometimes wonder why I was still feeling so happy and how I was able to wake up at 5AM every Saturday morning without complaining about the circumstance. There's only one answer: your prayers. There were days when I literally stopped and thought, "Wow, someone must be praying for me right now." There were moments when I was sad but all of a sudden got really excited and said to myself, "God just reminded someone to pray for me." There were times when I didn't think I had enough to love anyone that day or be patient with someone and yet God gave me an overflow of love and patience. And when I wondered where it came from, people would send me random facebook messages, emails, cards, and IMs saying that God gave them the urge to pray for me. I was able to get through winter with a genuine smile on my face because of God's faithfulness in my life. He didn't just TELL me that He was with me, He showed me through people. God encouraged me the whole way through. He reminded me day in and day out, "I will lead you through this. Trust me. I am with you always." Even now He is showing me more of His grace, mercy, and love. I realized that I am SO UNDESERVING of anything He gives me... and yet He doesn't just sprinkle it on me, He POURS IT OUT. After a physically long and cold winter (1. it's April and I'm still using my heater/electrical blanket & wearing my long johns, 2. it's been said that this winter was one of the coldest the whole world has seen in a long time, and 3. being from CA anything below 55 when the sun is out is considered freezing), it's summer time.

SUMMER LOVE. Right now I'm feeling like winter has passed and I'm ready to soak in the sun. The STEMers are coming soon and I feel like I'm getting ready to go on break! HAHA. Things are warming up and I'm feeling the heat- maybe getting a bit more comfortable and feeling a tad bit more agitated/irritated/annoyed by certain habits/routines. I'm not feeling completely LAZY but complacency is starting to creep up on me because things are no longer fresh. I sometimes forget to appreciate the little things and it's become a must to remind myself to live the day as if it were one of the last days in Japan. I'm at that point where I know summer will be 3 months long and so I'm wondering how I'm going to spend those 90 days... but before I know it, summer's going to be over. God is assuring me, there will be no broken hearts by the end of summer... thank God! SO... I'm really trying to FOCUS ON THE GOAL and get in (spiritual) shape for the days to come.

FALL... BAWL? I don't think fall has one like the other seasons so I had to do my best- please bear with me. But yeah, I don't think I'm completely off. :0) Fall's coming and let's just say that the color of leaves won't be the only thing changing. :*( I will start to prepare myself for a major change: 1. Japan --> America 2. Miss Independent from family --> Miss Dependent back under the same roof as the parents 3. Occupation: missionary --> Occupation: unemployed but looking for a government job... just to name a few. I think I will have to start the debriefing process early. I'm reading the book "Re-Entry" (thank you, Faith!) and it tells me about how to leave my one-year mission behind in order for me to move on with my life. I know I've been playing around saying "Happy __ Month Anniversary with Japan," but I don't think it was completely a joke. The book makes it sound like I am in a relationship! Don't get me wrong, the book is good and it has very valid, credible points, but I am just so amazed at how interesting the process of going "back to reality" is. It's true though; if I don't move on, it'll make it hard for me to function back in America. I have to brace myself because just when I think I'm getting used to life in Japan, I have to go back to good ol' USA. I'm sure there will be days where I will be thinking, "Was it all a dream?" Hopefully, it won't be THAT bad but all jokes aside, something tells me that the "readjusting to life in America" is going to be a lot harder than adjusting to life in Japan. I can already picture it: I'm at the airport surrounded by friends and my "Japanese family." The tears are falling uncontrollably- bittersweet tears. I say goodbye and enter the gate. I cry some more as I wait. I read some letters and start to bawl. The memories from Japan are flooding my mind. I think about what/who I'm leaving behind. I wonder what kind of legacy I left and questions start to bombard me, "Did I preach the Gospel with my words/life? Was I effective in my ministry? Was God glorified? How will I be remembered? Will I ever see some of them again? Is God calling me back to Japan in the future?" And then I get myself together, take a deep breath, think of all the friends and family I will be seeing, and say a prayer to God asking Him to give me peace and comfort. I board the plane, take off, knock out due to all the crying, and wake up in sunny Los Angeles, California. It sounds so great... like I have it all figured out... but I have a funny feeling it won't be this simple/easy. But I'm a believer that recognizing, acknowledging, and admitting is half the battle... so here I go.

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit- fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other." -John 15:16-17

Let Go and Let God.

Enough said.

I am Fragile.

Things I need to work on...

1. Encourage more.

2. Refrain from saying hurtful words.

3. Be honest.

4. Smile more.

5. "Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." (James 1:19)

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."

Y2 Timothy 1:7

Obey > Sacrifice

"But Samuel replied:

'Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices

as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD?

To obey is better than sacrifice,

and to heed is better than the fat of rams.'"

-1 Samuel 15:22

This is theme of our journey: my decision to listen to God's voice to GO and your decision to follow the Holy Spirit's promptings and SEND. They are both an act of obedience.

Let me start by saying this: we cannot obey God unless He gives us a heart to obey Him. But we must ask/seek/desire it.

In the past week, God has really impressed upon my heart what it means to obey God. Sometimes the word has a negative connotation: just do whatever someone tells you. We are expected to follow along without any say or opinion in the matter. Even if we think it is wrong, we have to do what is commanded/demanded of us. However, this occurs when humans have to obey humans.

We've heard all our lives: honor your parents. The Bible tells us that we must honor our parents by obeying them. Sometimes, or most of the time, we don't really feel like obeying our parents but God still expects it of us... why? After much thought, I realized that if we can't even obey the people around us (whom we can see) in the little things (compared to God's greater things) that is asked of us, how can we obey God? Some of you might be thinking that it would be much easier to obey God because He is perfect and holy and thus, you feel that He is worthy of your obedience. I used to have this kind of attitude: "It'd be easy to obey God, but people... they are imperfect so why should I listen to them?" Soon enough I realized that this attitude in itself is not obeying God. God tells me to obey my parents and yet I don't, sometimes. This is not an act of disobedience ONLY to my parents but ALSO to God because He is the One who told me obey my parents. Are you with me?

There are some people that you will be asked to obey that you might not necessarily respect or even like (i.e. church leaders, Presidents, bosses, husbands, etc). However God does not call us to obey based on our emotions but as an act of worship to God. God delights in our obedience. His desire for us is not only to obey but to be JOYFUL when obeying. I don't think we EVER LOSE (in the grand scheme of things) when we choose to obey God. Yes, sometimes obedience requires sacrifice and cost. Yes, sometimes you will be asked to go down a path filled with difficulty and hardship. Yes, sometimes you will suffer. Yes, sometimes you will feel sad/discouraged/lonely/hurt. But God never promised us an easy life when we choose to obey. He does say, however, that it will be worth it because we will be living for His Kingdom, His glory, and His name. God will never give us more than we can handle. He will require us to make tough choices. He will ask us to trust in Him with/in everything. He will give us greater responsibilities. He will push us beyond our limits. BUT He will also give us all the resources to do His work. He will supply us with His power, love, and joy. He will draw us closer to Him. He will pour out His blessings. He will strengthen our inner man with His word. He will lead us through it. He will provide... always. I know that it's so easy to say that we will obey but in actuality A LOT harder (and I mean A LOT harder) to live it out. Obedience is not a one time deal; it's a lifestyle. Take it from me, I KNOW how hard it is to just say YES (and this was not even THAT BIG of a decision). The funny thing is, WE KNOW that we will be blessed but it's sooooooo difficult just to say the three-letter word because there's something inside that tells us that life will not be the same. And yes, you're right... it won't. But God can guarantee that it will get better- it will be greater than what you imagined because God is the Master Builder... not you.

Maybe it's because it's the beginning of STEM, but I am reminded of where I was a year ago. I remember being so sure that God didn't have it in His plans anymore for me to go to Japan. Different circumstances and my selfish heart clouded my vision of what is probably one of the most monumental moments in my life. The scary truth: I ALMOST didn't come. But I thank God for His gracious love. Even though in retrospect I see so many signs that God gave me along the way, of course the human side wanted to ignore those things and follow what I wanted for myself. But praise God that He knows us better than ourselves and that He gave me chance after chance to obey Him. If He just gave up on me after giving me my first sign, I don't know what I'd be doing right now. He never gave up on me.

Around this time last year, I was contemplating if I should go to GLDI or STEM. If I went to GLDI, I was sure that it would be God's way of saying that I should go down a path of politics. If I went on STEM, I was sure that it would be God's way of telling me to go on one year-missions to Japan. The end result: I went to GLDI and now here I am in Japan. HE NEVER WORKS HOW YOU THINK HE WILL. I think God laughs at us so many times. He doesn't get mad... He just thinks we're so cute. "Oh Iris, you have no idea what's coming." All along He knew what would be best for me and here I was, the pottery trying to tell the potter how I should be used. Wow, what nerve I have. HAHA. I truly thank God for His faithfulness. Even when I was unsure and going back and forth in my commitment that I made 3 years ago, He stood by me and gave me the heart to obey. And when I obeyed, my wishy-washy heart stood firm in the PROMISE/HOPE of God. I was no longer being tossed around by the waves... I was walking on water with Jesus! He doesn't just see the bigger picture, He sees the biggest picture. He knows from beginning to end because He is Alpha and Omega.

Pre-obedience = uncertainty, confusion/chaos, doubts, fear, insecurities, and lies.

Post-obedience = peace, trust, faith, truth, joy, anticipation, gratitude, and praise.

I truly cannot imagine my life without this chapter in it. I am so glad I came. I am such an undeserving person and yet He still chose me to come. I am here to be a blessing but I think I'm being blessed more! Being here I realized, I am a nobody... but God chooses to make me a somebody ONLY FOR the sake of Christ. I thought I was so high and mighty but God broke me and is humbling me. I don't think I will ever be HUMBLE ENOUGH. Until I die, I need to always practice humility. Wow, it's the halfway mark but God is revealing so much to me. There is so much I want to say but I cannot even begin to express this heart of mine. All I can say is THANK YOU JESUS for this amazing opportunity. Thank you everyone for joining me and supporting me through this. I hope that with this very, very, very tiny act of obedience to Him, others will be able to follow Jesus's example and obey God's calling for their lives. Our God is a sovereign God. Trust God, you won't regret it.

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There are two people who come to mind as I wrote this. I really believe God is trying to tell you this today: He will reward you for your obedience. I know it was hard to say yes but I pray that now you have made the commitment, you will have faith that God will do as He promised. Japan is hard. There are times when you might think to yourself, "Why am I here?" (or so they say... I have yet to experience this question but I do have 5 months left -_-). But I hope you always remember that God has a plan for you in this nation. Be happiest when you are in the desert because that is when God will show you SOOOOOOO much more about HOW GREAT HE IS. You will be lonely at times (a different kind than what you ever experienced) and you will feel discouraged from time to time but depend on God. It's not "will it come?"... it's more like "when it comes, what will you do and who will you turn to?" TRAIN YOURSELVES NOW! I pray that you will not just know in your head but BELIEVE WITH ALL YOUR HEART that God has called you to Japan for a purpose greater than our finite minds can fathom. He has CHOSEN you to be His hands and feet. He will mature in you a faith that will surpass what you had before coming. He will show you your weaknesses and they will come at you like a tons of bricks. He will break you. He will humble you. He will teach you how to love Him more. He will become your best friend. He's going to bless you so much. He will bring personal revival. I can't be more excited for both of you... truly. Be prepared because HE WILL BLOW YOU AWAY.

"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; He is the faithful God, keeping His covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep His commands."

Deuteronomy 7:9

Happy (Heart) Day!

Today is Valentine's Day. I thought I would be sad/lonely but surprisingly, I'm not. I think it's just Japan... no holiday ever seems like what it is- it's just another day out of the 365 we have in a year. -_-; Asian culture celebrates V-Day with the girls giving the boys chocolate (WHY?). Then on March 14, the guys give CANDY to the girls. SO essentially, a girl must 1) make the initiative, 2) wait a month for the guy's response, and 3) girls don't get chocolate. What's wrong with this picture? (SO MANY THINGS which I won't get into.) -_- HAHA.

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I wrote that on February 14th but never finished it. -_- I forget what the point of it was... that's what happens when you don't finish things then and there- just ruined my flow. But it's okay cuz v-day was spent with church friends and cute candy bags. ;)

Sorry for the MIA-ness. I can't say it's cuz I'm busier, per se, but it's definitely because there are other things that are demanding my time. I will try to do a better job of updating more often! Please keep reading and commenting.

February has been quite the interesting month. For one, it was very very short. I don't know where all the time goes! I can't believe I only have 5.5 months left!!! A month goes by as if it were a week and a week goes by as if it were a day and a day goes by as if it were an hour... you get my drift. HAHA. But it's been amazing to experience the highs and lows of missions. Before coming, I knew it was naive of me to think that I would have only good moments. I think February was definitely one of the hardest, if not the hardest, month on me emotionally and spiritually. I don't know if this is the wall that everyone has been talking about, but things are much more familiar... maybe I'm getting a bit complacent?

There is never a day that goes by that I am not: learning something new about God and/or myself, thinking how undeserving I am of such an opportunity, thankful for all my prayer warriors back at home, and reminded of why I came to Japan. No matter what I did during the end, God is always showing me SOOOOOOOO much of His faithfulness. Even when I haven't been that faithful, He still pours out His grace on me. Even when I haven't put Him as my priority, He still lets me know how precious I am in His sight. Even when I turn to people first before Him, He still comforts and embraces me. Even when I complain about my circumstances, He still listens and gently rebukes- never condemns. Even when I am so selfish, He showers His love on me. Even when I am so weak, He becomes my strong tower. He always encourages me through the Word and people. I've been realizing how often God tries to woo us. He's so romantic. I think I need to stop and appreciate all these things a little more and not take for granted the ways in which He keeps trying to get my attention. I must break His heart time and time again when He tries so hard to get me to love Him and only Him, and yet my eyes, thoughts, time, energy, money, and heart is going toward all the wrong things/people- anything and everything BUT Him sometimes. -_-

Although we don't consciously do it (or maybe we do), we are often putting God aside because we know He'll always be there (which is dangerous mentality). In human relationships, people are always trying to watch what they say and how they act because we are sometimes scared that one wrong move can make the other person leave. As humans, we don't like having those we love leave us after they see the ugly side of us- the sinful side that gets the best of all of us. There is no guarantee with people that someone will stick with you until the end no matter what you say or do. People get hurt. There's only so much we can take before we break. Our love, essentially, is conditional.

But with God, He will never leave us. As His sons and daughters, more often than not, we say the most hurtful things to Him, show Him the worst of our actions (that we dare not show those around us), and tell Him with our lips and lives that we don't need Him and that we don't love Him. Yet despite everything we do, He still loves us. There is no word or action that can separate that love- granted that we are His children. He is our Ultimate Lover. His love is unconditional.

What selfish lover I am. But thank God that He demonstrates the kind of love that we should strive to have for Him and others. It's hard but I want to love God the way He deserves to be loved. I don't want my heart to be in many places... I just want to give my whole heart for the one love who is worthy, King Jesus.

Let's love more.

Mother Teresa once said, "Give until it hurts."

Please Keep Me Accountable...

In life, people will not always agree with you. That's a fact. Christians will differ in their thoughts/opinions on certain issues. Life would be so much easier if everyone would agree but that's not possible. -_-; I'm realizing that instead of trying to persuade people that my thinking is correct, I need to leave the transformation part up to God. If I'm the one that needs a change of heart, then by all means, I must let go and let God. In everything, may God receive all the glory, praise, honor, and respect.

I'm posting this because I realized that I'm a person who does not really like to share my flaws. Well, no one really does. However, I feel that in order for me to truly change and become less prideful, I need to be transparent and have others keep me accountable. I pray that you will keep me in prayer so that I can become a better witness, representative, and ambassador of Christ Jesus, our Lord and Savior.

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My sticky note that I posted on 2/8/10...

When debating about spiritual things/God, learn to:

1) Be humble.

2) Be patient.

3) Be in control of my emotions (do not get angry).

4) Not always have the last word.

5) Understand that people have seasons for faith (trust in God's timing).

6) Pray for them instead of arguing with them.

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"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." -Colossians 3:12-14

Finding Joy in Being Sick.

Sometimes being sick is the best way to become healthy.

In being sick, we can diagnose our body's condition/status. Had I not been sick, I would never have thought about why my body was going into shut-down mode. It helped me reflect on the events that contributed to my body getting tired- lack of sleep, bicycling for 2 miles against cold wind, having back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back events without proper rest, not eating my vitamin C daily... all can be summed up by saying: not taking good care of my body and physical health. -_- However, if I hadn't been sick, I would've never known that these things were affecting my body in such a negative way! Therefore, in order to better prevent this from happening again, it was important for me to realize what I needed to change.

As I laid there with a really high fever, body chills (momsal), and the feeling that this was the sickest I've ever been, I asked God, "What is it that you want to tell me?" I was shocked! I didn't even think that I would think that there was something to be learned from all this. Most of the time we think that being sick is purely a body thing and nothing spiritual. I'm not saying all sicknesses are related to something spiritual... however, what I am saying is that we need to have the mentality that something good can come out of something that, at the time, can seem pretty bad.

It would really be foolish of me to think that God only speaks to me through the "good" things in life. Of course good things make it easier for me to thank God and see His blessings, but I think it's also important to realize that God uses the times of suffering and pain to speak to me as well. In fact, I think it is when we are going through hardship that we are actually willing and desperate enough to listen to what He has to say. I'm guessing God really wanted to speak to me... and He did.

What God revealed wasn't something that I wasn't prepared for. To be honest, I kind of had a feeling that it was going to be about certain things, and it was. -_- God reminded me that I only have 7 months left (6.5 to be exact). He told me: FOCUS! I think it's easy to get distracted and side-tracked... not just on missions but any time in life. God was telling me that I had to remember why I was in Japan- for whom and for what purpose. It was a gentle rebuke but it hit me pretty hard. I really repented for my lack of focus and I was able to see how I had to rearrange my priorities. Praise God that He is a loving and merciful God who always wants the best for His children!

Number 2 was that He was telling me to depend on Him. Being away from home, I think the biggest time one can feel he/she is alone is when one is SICK. -_- You miss mommy taking care of you. There's no one to make you honey lemon tea, rice porridge, tell you "sleep is the best medicine," feed you medicine, and check up on you. I realized that there was physically no one next to me. It was during this time I felt the most homesick. God exposed my loneliness and told me not to rely on people but on Him and Him alone. He told, "Depend on me, Iris." I think that was one of the hardest things. I wanted someone physically there to give me comfort. However, God had been there the whole time. My physical body had to shut down for me to understand that the only One who will be with me 24/7/365 through the good, bad, and ugly will be God. It's comforting to know. :)

In ministry/missions, there are many times where one is spiritually alone. I know there will be more instances in the future where I may face spiritual loneliness. However, I really felt that God was using this time to train me and build me up for the times to come. It's hard. It's hard not to want to rely on someone if they are physically there. But God requires us to rely not on what/who is seen but Him who is unseen- not because it's easy but because of the very fact that it is hard... it requires FAITH. Following Christ and living for God is not an easy road. It requires obedience, sacrifice, and dependence on God. Sometimes you will be persecuted, abandoned, and tested. But if we can realize that what God promises and provides is so much greater than all the negative things this world may throw at us, I think we are on the right track. These days, I am learning what it means to truly say with all my heart, soul, strength, mind, and life: "You can have all this world, but give me Jesus."

By God's grace, I am changing. I feel it. I see it. It's so crazy how much God is revealing to me about my own sinful nature: all my pride, selfishness, and flaws. I am admitting my mistakes. I can say I am not always right- I can be wrong. I am learning what it means to serve people not just how I want to serve them but how they want to be served. I am trying to be more understanding. I am choosing to think and pray before I speak. I am trying to control my emotions better. I am smiling a lot more. I am having a change in attitude. I am more positive. I am trying to be prayerful in everything. I am trying to be thankful in all circumstances. Simply put, I am trying. I'm not perfect. I failed many times and will continue to do so. But I am learning that failure is only way we can remain humble. It's beautiful. There is much more work to be done, but the very fact that I was able to see myself in the mirror as I really am was a VERY BIG STEP. God is so good. He's so good to me.

I can't even begin to explain the inner transformation He's doing. I know, however, that the real test of how much I have changed will be back in America. I am excited to see the ways in which God will lead me in the months to come and how much more He will strengthen my inner being. I am starting to see a glimpse of the woman I have been praying to become. I still have a long way but I know that the process of refining and sharpening does not come overnight- it's a lifelong process.

Please pray with and for me. I already know that before I know it, it'll be August. I'm really trying to live each day as if it was one of the last days before I leave. I love it here... and I don't want to leave. -_- I'm dreading August... :*(

Overflow.

When you are empty, God fills you.

He doesn't stop at full, He overflows.

To be honest, it's been a hard week- a rough start to a new year. The 3 month mark is almost here and it's crazy to think that time has gone by so fast! Even in the three short months I've been here, I'm realizing so much about myself (in ways I could have NEVER imagined) and God. I love Lamentations 3:23 "Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." I am experiencing this verse every day- His faithfulness in my life is just beyond description. There are so many days where I feel so undeserving of such love that God provides and yet He still pours it out on me. Who am I that He would do such a thing? Then His word tells me: I am His daughter. His beloved. His chosen one. His princess.

Humility. I'm learning so much about this word. This was something I realized I had to work on BEFORE coming to Japan; since being here, God's been using His Word, events, and a certain person to remind me of how prideful I can be. For most of my life, whatever I attempted, I succeeded- I'm not saying this to brag but it's just how simple things were for me in America. Of course there were some events that didn't always end up in my favor, but for the most part, I never had to face Failure with a capital F. However, coming to Japan, I realized that I'm not going to succeed at everything in life. Japanese is harder than I thought. It discourages me to think that it's not going as well as I had imagined. I make it sound like I suck or something... that's not the case at all, but I think the perfectionist side of me is starting to come out. There are some things, like language acquisition, that I cannot control. I study, I go to class everyday, and I do the homework- these are things that are within my control and I do them diligently. However, it's frustrating that I can't express everything I want to say in Japanese (no duh, right?). I mean I've been here 3 months and I know A LOT MORE now than when I started, but still it's discouraging. -_-; I think my problem is that I try to be perfect at it, but I just need to understand that language takes time. My primary reason for being here is not to learn Japanese and be good at it, but it's of course an investment and a means of communicating with the Japanese people. I really need to just LET GO of this mentality that I have to master it right now. I guess it's just b/c there are so many people around me who try so hard and study so well that I feel like I'm not up to par with them. People around me keep telling me that I don't need to get stressed out from it, but there's silent pressure to do well... or maybe it's just the respect-me side of me?

English conversational ministry is going well! The kids are so cute... I'm really learning that kids do well with encouragement and not punishment. A simple high-five, thumbs up, and smile go such a long way! I've been hearing a lot more "hello" and "goodbye" from the kids lately. They are sometimes using, "Hello, my name is _____." So cute! Teaching English is harder than I thought... especially b/c I have to make up my own material. -_- But God is good and I'm getting so blessed seeing how much the people love learning English! There aren't TONS of people who come out, but there is a lady who lives literally RIGHT NEXT DOOR to church who has been coming out (her first time at this church in fact!). Praise God! Quality over quantity, right? :) She thinks class is fun and she's learning a lot. She get so excited for class! HAHA. God is using this ministry to remind me that even one soul is so precious to God. Please pray that through the simple act of teaching English, she will be able to learn a greater purpose for her life (answer: Jesus).

Desperate. I know people who are desperate for a job (thank you, economy). Some are desperate for a boyfriend or girlfriend (Valentine's Day is coming up!). Others are desperate for money. What does it mean to be desperate? Being desperate requires us to truly long for something. We desire it. We "need" it. But what happens after we get it, the desperation is gone- it's no longer necessary. Desperation then, for the most part, is conditional. However, I want to believe that there is one desperation that increases after we get it: being desperate for God. The hunger that comes with wanting Christ far exceeds a person, thing, or circumstance. With one taste of God, we (should) want more. I want to be desperate for God- so desperate that He's all I desire. It's so hard and I'm not completely there yet, but I hope that if someone asks me what I'm desperate for, I can boldly say Jesus.

Please continue praying for me. I feel like the wall that everyone has been talking about is within sight. But I know that it's not about hitting the wall or not (b/c truth is, I will get there), it's about how I deal with getting through it. I WILL OVERCOME WITH CHRIST'S STRENGTH AND POWER! Your prayers empower me so please don't ever forget to say a prayer for Japan and me. We are in this together!

PICTURE DIARY:

Ji-hyun unni and me. She encourages me so much! We met up for some yummy meat on a stick! HAHA.

How I spent Christmas:

1) My lovely girl friends from school and I spent the day in Tokyo (we went to Tokyo Tower)

2) Doesn't it kinda look like the Eiffel Tower? I wouldn't know, never been there. -_-

3) My family in Japan: me, samoneem, Hui (their nephew from Korea), Missionary Cho.

We celebrated Christmas with cake and pizza. -_-

4) Okonomiyaki party at Takahashi sensei's house!

5) Santa didn't come to town, but JOE SONG did! :) We ate shabu-shabu with his Uncle and his family. His niece is sooooooo cute! LIKE SOOOOO CUTE! We're like the same!

Joe: "Jisoo, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Jisoo: "A princess."

:0)

"Call to me and I will answer you

and tell you great and unsearchable things

you do not know."

Jeremiah 33:3