Let Go and Let God.

Enough said.

I am Fragile.

Things I need to work on...

1. Encourage more.

2. Refrain from saying hurtful words.

3. Be honest.

4. Smile more.

5. "Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." (James 1:19)

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."

Y2 Timothy 1:7

Obey > Sacrifice

"But Samuel replied:

'Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices

as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD?

To obey is better than sacrifice,

and to heed is better than the fat of rams.'"

-1 Samuel 15:22

This is theme of our journey: my decision to listen to God's voice to GO and your decision to follow the Holy Spirit's promptings and SEND. They are both an act of obedience.

Let me start by saying this: we cannot obey God unless He gives us a heart to obey Him. But we must ask/seek/desire it.

In the past week, God has really impressed upon my heart what it means to obey God. Sometimes the word has a negative connotation: just do whatever someone tells you. We are expected to follow along without any say or opinion in the matter. Even if we think it is wrong, we have to do what is commanded/demanded of us. However, this occurs when humans have to obey humans.

We've heard all our lives: honor your parents. The Bible tells us that we must honor our parents by obeying them. Sometimes, or most of the time, we don't really feel like obeying our parents but God still expects it of us... why? After much thought, I realized that if we can't even obey the people around us (whom we can see) in the little things (compared to God's greater things) that is asked of us, how can we obey God? Some of you might be thinking that it would be much easier to obey God because He is perfect and holy and thus, you feel that He is worthy of your obedience. I used to have this kind of attitude: "It'd be easy to obey God, but people... they are imperfect so why should I listen to them?" Soon enough I realized that this attitude in itself is not obeying God. God tells me to obey my parents and yet I don't, sometimes. This is not an act of disobedience ONLY to my parents but ALSO to God because He is the One who told me obey my parents. Are you with me?

There are some people that you will be asked to obey that you might not necessarily respect or even like (i.e. church leaders, Presidents, bosses, husbands, etc). However God does not call us to obey based on our emotions but as an act of worship to God. God delights in our obedience. His desire for us is not only to obey but to be JOYFUL when obeying. I don't think we EVER LOSE (in the grand scheme of things) when we choose to obey God. Yes, sometimes obedience requires sacrifice and cost. Yes, sometimes you will be asked to go down a path filled with difficulty and hardship. Yes, sometimes you will suffer. Yes, sometimes you will feel sad/discouraged/lonely/hurt. But God never promised us an easy life when we choose to obey. He does say, however, that it will be worth it because we will be living for His Kingdom, His glory, and His name. God will never give us more than we can handle. He will require us to make tough choices. He will ask us to trust in Him with/in everything. He will give us greater responsibilities. He will push us beyond our limits. BUT He will also give us all the resources to do His work. He will supply us with His power, love, and joy. He will draw us closer to Him. He will pour out His blessings. He will strengthen our inner man with His word. He will lead us through it. He will provide... always. I know that it's so easy to say that we will obey but in actuality A LOT harder (and I mean A LOT harder) to live it out. Obedience is not a one time deal; it's a lifestyle. Take it from me, I KNOW how hard it is to just say YES (and this was not even THAT BIG of a decision). The funny thing is, WE KNOW that we will be blessed but it's sooooooo difficult just to say the three-letter word because there's something inside that tells us that life will not be the same. And yes, you're right... it won't. But God can guarantee that it will get better- it will be greater than what you imagined because God is the Master Builder... not you.

Maybe it's because it's the beginning of STEM, but I am reminded of where I was a year ago. I remember being so sure that God didn't have it in His plans anymore for me to go to Japan. Different circumstances and my selfish heart clouded my vision of what is probably one of the most monumental moments in my life. The scary truth: I ALMOST didn't come. But I thank God for His gracious love. Even though in retrospect I see so many signs that God gave me along the way, of course the human side wanted to ignore those things and follow what I wanted for myself. But praise God that He knows us better than ourselves and that He gave me chance after chance to obey Him. If He just gave up on me after giving me my first sign, I don't know what I'd be doing right now. He never gave up on me.

Around this time last year, I was contemplating if I should go to GLDI or STEM. If I went to GLDI, I was sure that it would be God's way of saying that I should go down a path of politics. If I went on STEM, I was sure that it would be God's way of telling me to go on one year-missions to Japan. The end result: I went to GLDI and now here I am in Japan. HE NEVER WORKS HOW YOU THINK HE WILL. I think God laughs at us so many times. He doesn't get mad... He just thinks we're so cute. "Oh Iris, you have no idea what's coming." All along He knew what would be best for me and here I was, the pottery trying to tell the potter how I should be used. Wow, what nerve I have. HAHA. I truly thank God for His faithfulness. Even when I was unsure and going back and forth in my commitment that I made 3 years ago, He stood by me and gave me the heart to obey. And when I obeyed, my wishy-washy heart stood firm in the PROMISE/HOPE of God. I was no longer being tossed around by the waves... I was walking on water with Jesus! He doesn't just see the bigger picture, He sees the biggest picture. He knows from beginning to end because He is Alpha and Omega.

Pre-obedience = uncertainty, confusion/chaos, doubts, fear, insecurities, and lies.

Post-obedience = peace, trust, faith, truth, joy, anticipation, gratitude, and praise.

I truly cannot imagine my life without this chapter in it. I am so glad I came. I am such an undeserving person and yet He still chose me to come. I am here to be a blessing but I think I'm being blessed more! Being here I realized, I am a nobody... but God chooses to make me a somebody ONLY FOR the sake of Christ. I thought I was so high and mighty but God broke me and is humbling me. I don't think I will ever be HUMBLE ENOUGH. Until I die, I need to always practice humility. Wow, it's the halfway mark but God is revealing so much to me. There is so much I want to say but I cannot even begin to express this heart of mine. All I can say is THANK YOU JESUS for this amazing opportunity. Thank you everyone for joining me and supporting me through this. I hope that with this very, very, very tiny act of obedience to Him, others will be able to follow Jesus's example and obey God's calling for their lives. Our God is a sovereign God. Trust God, you won't regret it.

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There are two people who come to mind as I wrote this. I really believe God is trying to tell you this today: He will reward you for your obedience. I know it was hard to say yes but I pray that now you have made the commitment, you will have faith that God will do as He promised. Japan is hard. There are times when you might think to yourself, "Why am I here?" (or so they say... I have yet to experience this question but I do have 5 months left -_-). But I hope you always remember that God has a plan for you in this nation. Be happiest when you are in the desert because that is when God will show you SOOOOOOO much more about HOW GREAT HE IS. You will be lonely at times (a different kind than what you ever experienced) and you will feel discouraged from time to time but depend on God. It's not "will it come?"... it's more like "when it comes, what will you do and who will you turn to?" TRAIN YOURSELVES NOW! I pray that you will not just know in your head but BELIEVE WITH ALL YOUR HEART that God has called you to Japan for a purpose greater than our finite minds can fathom. He has CHOSEN you to be His hands and feet. He will mature in you a faith that will surpass what you had before coming. He will show you your weaknesses and they will come at you like a tons of bricks. He will break you. He will humble you. He will teach you how to love Him more. He will become your best friend. He's going to bless you so much. He will bring personal revival. I can't be more excited for both of you... truly. Be prepared because HE WILL BLOW YOU AWAY.

"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; He is the faithful God, keeping His covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep His commands."

Deuteronomy 7:9

Happy (Heart) Day!

Today is Valentine's Day. I thought I would be sad/lonely but surprisingly, I'm not. I think it's just Japan... no holiday ever seems like what it is- it's just another day out of the 365 we have in a year. -_-; Asian culture celebrates V-Day with the girls giving the boys chocolate (WHY?). Then on March 14, the guys give CANDY to the girls. SO essentially, a girl must 1) make the initiative, 2) wait a month for the guy's response, and 3) girls don't get chocolate. What's wrong with this picture? (SO MANY THINGS which I won't get into.) -_- HAHA.

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I wrote that on February 14th but never finished it. -_- I forget what the point of it was... that's what happens when you don't finish things then and there- just ruined my flow. But it's okay cuz v-day was spent with church friends and cute candy bags. ;)

Sorry for the MIA-ness. I can't say it's cuz I'm busier, per se, but it's definitely because there are other things that are demanding my time. I will try to do a better job of updating more often! Please keep reading and commenting.

February has been quite the interesting month. For one, it was very very short. I don't know where all the time goes! I can't believe I only have 5.5 months left!!! A month goes by as if it were a week and a week goes by as if it were a day and a day goes by as if it were an hour... you get my drift. HAHA. But it's been amazing to experience the highs and lows of missions. Before coming, I knew it was naive of me to think that I would have only good moments. I think February was definitely one of the hardest, if not the hardest, month on me emotionally and spiritually. I don't know if this is the wall that everyone has been talking about, but things are much more familiar... maybe I'm getting a bit complacent?

There is never a day that goes by that I am not: learning something new about God and/or myself, thinking how undeserving I am of such an opportunity, thankful for all my prayer warriors back at home, and reminded of why I came to Japan. No matter what I did during the end, God is always showing me SOOOOOOOO much of His faithfulness. Even when I haven't been that faithful, He still pours out His grace on me. Even when I haven't put Him as my priority, He still lets me know how precious I am in His sight. Even when I turn to people first before Him, He still comforts and embraces me. Even when I complain about my circumstances, He still listens and gently rebukes- never condemns. Even when I am so selfish, He showers His love on me. Even when I am so weak, He becomes my strong tower. He always encourages me through the Word and people. I've been realizing how often God tries to woo us. He's so romantic. I think I need to stop and appreciate all these things a little more and not take for granted the ways in which He keeps trying to get my attention. I must break His heart time and time again when He tries so hard to get me to love Him and only Him, and yet my eyes, thoughts, time, energy, money, and heart is going toward all the wrong things/people- anything and everything BUT Him sometimes. -_-

Although we don't consciously do it (or maybe we do), we are often putting God aside because we know He'll always be there (which is dangerous mentality). In human relationships, people are always trying to watch what they say and how they act because we are sometimes scared that one wrong move can make the other person leave. As humans, we don't like having those we love leave us after they see the ugly side of us- the sinful side that gets the best of all of us. There is no guarantee with people that someone will stick with you until the end no matter what you say or do. People get hurt. There's only so much we can take before we break. Our love, essentially, is conditional.

But with God, He will never leave us. As His sons and daughters, more often than not, we say the most hurtful things to Him, show Him the worst of our actions (that we dare not show those around us), and tell Him with our lips and lives that we don't need Him and that we don't love Him. Yet despite everything we do, He still loves us. There is no word or action that can separate that love- granted that we are His children. He is our Ultimate Lover. His love is unconditional.

What selfish lover I am. But thank God that He demonstrates the kind of love that we should strive to have for Him and others. It's hard but I want to love God the way He deserves to be loved. I don't want my heart to be in many places... I just want to give my whole heart for the one love who is worthy, King Jesus.

Let's love more.

Mother Teresa once said, "Give until it hurts."