Nuggets of Wisdom

"Dear God,
I am so afraid to open my clenched fists!
Who will I be when I have nothing left to hold on to?
Who will I be when I stand before you with empty hands?
Please help me to gradually open my hands
and to discover that I am not what I own,
but what you want to give me.
And what you want to give me is love,
unconditional, everlasting love.
Amen."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen (The Only Necessary Thing: Living a Prayerful Life)

"A waiting person is a patient person. The word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen

"Waiting is a dry desert between where we are and where we want to be."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen (Finding My Way Home)

"Waiting is never a movement from nothing to something. It is always a movement from something to something more."

— Henri J.M. Nouwen (The Path of Waiting)

"I have found it very important in my own life to try to let go of my wishes and instead to live in hope. I am finding that when I choose to let go of my sometimes petty and superficial wishes and trust that my life is precious and meaningful in the eyes of God something really new, something beyond my own expectations begins to happen for me."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen (Finding My Way Home)

"Here we realize how our wishes tend to be connected with our fears, and fear, of course, prevents us from allowing time in our lives for open-ended waiting. For this reason, a lot of our waiting is not open-ended. Instead, our waiting is a way of controlling the future."

— Henri J.M. Nouwen (The Path of Waiting)

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen

"Somewhere we know that without silence words lose their meaning, that without listening speaking no longer heals, that without distance closeness cannot cure."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen

"When the imitation of Christ does not mean to live a life like Christ, but to live your life as authentically as Christ lived his, then there are many ways and forms in which a man can be a Christian."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen (The Wounded Healer)

"People who read your ideas tend to think that your writings reflect your life."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen

Change.

So I decided to change my layout.

It was very spur-of-the-moment.

Maybe I'm going through a phase. -_-;

The other day, I went to an 8th grade promotion for a family friend in Japan. The school was a very prestigious international school here and I felt like I was in an American bubble. Everyone spoke perfect English and it was by far the largest gathering of Caucasians. I thought I was in Newport Beach.

As I sat and watched the 2.5 hour ceremony, or "celebration" as they liked to call it, I was reminded of my own 8th grade promotion. First off, I remembered why it's called promotion and not graduation. Secondly, 8th grade was 9 years ago (since I'm technically in the 17th grade now a.k.a. "real world"). OMG. I feel so old. Thirdly, kids these days have a greater interest in fashion and dress way better than we did (jeans & a shirt just don't cut it anymore). Lastly, I felt so stupid thinking about how I thought graduating 8th grade was the biggest thing that ever happened to me. If I remember correctly, I think I cried. Anyway, while watching the Class of 2014 get excited and emotional about entering high school, I asked myself two questions: 1) "Was I like this?" and 2) "Why?"

Don't get me wrong- it's a big deal to start a new chapter in your life and become a high school student. However, I couldn't help thinking about how Jr. High is nothing compared to what is to come. I thought these kids were so cute for being so happy about promoting! YAY! But on the other hand, it's not like you graduated HS or college... cuz those two are a big deal! HAHA. Then it hit me: for someone who has gone through that particular phase in life and onto bigger and greater things, it seems like nothing special. But for the one going through it and taking everything in, it's the most important thing and quite possibly the greatest accomplishment yet. I couldn't help but think, "Chh, you think this is big? Wait til you get out of college." Soon after another thought came to mind: Does it ever stop? Are we ever going to not think that what we're going through deserves the greatest importance?

For me, I thought prom was going to be the biggest deal of my life. Then I realized HS graduation was a bigger deal. Then there was college- time to get out of the nest and into the "real world." Now I'm in the real world after the "real world." The next thing I'm looking forward to is finding my husband and getting married. After that, it's going to be so exciting to be a parent. And then after that, being a grandparent is going to be the biggest thing. I don't think it'll ever stop. Life is a constant upward climb and then you die at the peak; and you can't say it's all downhill from there because there's heaven! So since birth, we are on a crescendo.

Here I am thinking that Japan is the greatest thing that's happened in my life. So far, it's been a life-changing experience; something I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. I really think it's going to be one of the 3 most monumental moments in my life. I just can't imagine my life without this very important chapter. However, I'm sure to those who've been through it, they might think how adorable I am for thinking how IMPORTANT this is. It's not to say that they are minimizing the significance of what was experienced in this year, but it might not be as BIG as I think compared to the things that are to come in the future. Will it even matter in a year? Of course these events help us get to the next stage in our lives, but it would be naive of me to think that this is IT- the BIG ONE. But even though we know this fact, we still can't help but get so wrapped up in the moment. I think this is just LIFE. We can't assess the past until we go past the past and see that in the end... the best is yet to come.

So I don't really know why I observed all this while attending a promotion, but I think that it was good to reflect and reach such conclusions. I know that what I'm going through is very special. And I know that even though I spent the whole post trying to convince you (and me) that this is neither the final destination nor ultimate joy, I will still like to think that this has been one of the greatest moments (if not the greatest moment) of my life. Maybe this is the only way we get through life: knowing that every event, phase, moment, stage, and chapter gets better and better as we get toward the end... cuz if we didn't, there'd be no hope to look forward to.

And now, I'm back to square one.

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next."

~Gilda Radner