Happy (Heart) Day!

Today is Valentine's Day. I thought I would be sad/lonely but surprisingly, I'm not. I think it's just Japan... no holiday ever seems like what it is- it's just another day out of the 365 we have in a year. -_-; Asian culture celebrates V-Day with the girls giving the boys chocolate (WHY?). Then on March 14, the guys give CANDY to the girls. SO essentially, a girl must 1) make the initiative, 2) wait a month for the guy's response, and 3) girls don't get chocolate. What's wrong with this picture? (SO MANY THINGS which I won't get into.) -_- HAHA.

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I wrote that on February 14th but never finished it. -_- I forget what the point of it was... that's what happens when you don't finish things then and there- just ruined my flow. But it's okay cuz v-day was spent with church friends and cute candy bags. ;)

Sorry for the MIA-ness. I can't say it's cuz I'm busier, per se, but it's definitely because there are other things that are demanding my time. I will try to do a better job of updating more often! Please keep reading and commenting.

February has been quite the interesting month. For one, it was very very short. I don't know where all the time goes! I can't believe I only have 5.5 months left!!! A month goes by as if it were a week and a week goes by as if it were a day and a day goes by as if it were an hour... you get my drift. HAHA. But it's been amazing to experience the highs and lows of missions. Before coming, I knew it was naive of me to think that I would have only good moments. I think February was definitely one of the hardest, if not the hardest, month on me emotionally and spiritually. I don't know if this is the wall that everyone has been talking about, but things are much more familiar... maybe I'm getting a bit complacent?

There is never a day that goes by that I am not: learning something new about God and/or myself, thinking how undeserving I am of such an opportunity, thankful for all my prayer warriors back at home, and reminded of why I came to Japan. No matter what I did during the end, God is always showing me SOOOOOOOO much of His faithfulness. Even when I haven't been that faithful, He still pours out His grace on me. Even when I haven't put Him as my priority, He still lets me know how precious I am in His sight. Even when I turn to people first before Him, He still comforts and embraces me. Even when I complain about my circumstances, He still listens and gently rebukes- never condemns. Even when I am so selfish, He showers His love on me. Even when I am so weak, He becomes my strong tower. He always encourages me through the Word and people. I've been realizing how often God tries to woo us. He's so romantic. I think I need to stop and appreciate all these things a little more and not take for granted the ways in which He keeps trying to get my attention. I must break His heart time and time again when He tries so hard to get me to love Him and only Him, and yet my eyes, thoughts, time, energy, money, and heart is going toward all the wrong things/people- anything and everything BUT Him sometimes. -_-

Although we don't consciously do it (or maybe we do), we are often putting God aside because we know He'll always be there (which is dangerous mentality). In human relationships, people are always trying to watch what they say and how they act because we are sometimes scared that one wrong move can make the other person leave. As humans, we don't like having those we love leave us after they see the ugly side of us- the sinful side that gets the best of all of us. There is no guarantee with people that someone will stick with you until the end no matter what you say or do. People get hurt. There's only so much we can take before we break. Our love, essentially, is conditional.

But with God, He will never leave us. As His sons and daughters, more often than not, we say the most hurtful things to Him, show Him the worst of our actions (that we dare not show those around us), and tell Him with our lips and lives that we don't need Him and that we don't love Him. Yet despite everything we do, He still loves us. There is no word or action that can separate that love- granted that we are His children. He is our Ultimate Lover. His love is unconditional.

What selfish lover I am. But thank God that He demonstrates the kind of love that we should strive to have for Him and others. It's hard but I want to love God the way He deserves to be loved. I don't want my heart to be in many places... I just want to give my whole heart for the one love who is worthy, King Jesus.

Let's love more.

Mother Teresa once said, "Give until it hurts."