A Season to Remember.

God's timing is impeccable. Last week was one of those weeks that made you feel like each day went by so slowly but in retrospect the whole week went by pretty fast. I have a feeling that I'm going to have a lot more of these in the coming months... -_-; Before you know it, it'll be August and I'll be heading back to America for a safe and happy landing.

Note to self: time waits for no man. As I enter my 6 month relationship with Japan, I am torn between saying, "I only have 4 months left!" and "I still have 4 months left!" I wonder if it changes anything? One denotes urgency while the other implies positivity. Either way, I'm sure it's good for me. To be honest, I can't believe time has gone by this fast. I seriously feel like it was just last month that I was an emotional mess at the airport while saying goodbye to friends and family. Since then, God has taken me on a bittersweet but mostly SWEET journey. I could not possibly begin to imagine what my life would have been like had I not said, "Yes." I know I say this a lot, but I KNOW WHY GOD BROUGHT ME HERE. There is NEVER a day that has passed without knowing why I came. Of course there were hard, long, not-so-good, feeling blue/lonely, discouraging, under the weather days, but through it ALL God has been right there. One of the songs that has become my anthem during my time here is Hillsong's "Through It All." I like it because the lyrics are so simple yet it says so much.

You are forever in my life

You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness
And I look to You
And I wait on You

I will sing to You, Lord
A hymn of love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
Through it all

Hallelujah, hallelujah

By the end of my 10 month mission trip, I will have gone through all four seasons- both in a physical and spiritual sense. In a season of my "equivalent to vapor" life, every season within the season has been one to remember... forever. A brief |rewind| + |pause| + |fast-forward| of what |has been| + |is now| + |is yet to come|.

SPRING FLING. I've had my share of spring (when I first arrived in October) where everything was so beautiful, new, exciting, and filled with butterflies- kind of like being in "like" (or lust) with someone for the first time. I was full of passion and ready to take on the world, or at least Japan. My theme song was Britt Nicole's "Set the World on Fire." What more can I say?

WINTER BLUES. However instead of summer came winter- I think it was the cold and unpredictable weather affected my emotions. I felt okay and I seemed to be fine but subconsciously I think I was feeling a bit homesick. Although I adjusted well to Japanese culture and life, there was still a part of me that longed for familiarity and the comforts of American culture, TLC from friends and family, and fellowship from a spiritual community. I found myself feeling down and not knowing why... my mood suddenly would be up one moment and down the next- I felt bipolar. I think I make it sound worse than it really was. HAHA. If you asked me how I was, I was truly REALLY GOOD. I was more than happy... I was joyful. I truly was. But of course there were moments where I felt emotionally drained, which in turn affected my physical health. My body was getting used to this new lifestyle and even though it was enduring in the beginning, I began to slowly break down. However, spiritually I had my Friday night service to get me energized and pumped up for the weekend- I truly believe finding that Korean church to sing praise and listen to a sermon was a part of God's divine appointment. If I look back, I sometimes wonder why I was still feeling so happy and how I was able to wake up at 5AM every Saturday morning without complaining about the circumstance. There's only one answer: your prayers. There were days when I literally stopped and thought, "Wow, someone must be praying for me right now." There were moments when I was sad but all of a sudden got really excited and said to myself, "God just reminded someone to pray for me." There were times when I didn't think I had enough to love anyone that day or be patient with someone and yet God gave me an overflow of love and patience. And when I wondered where it came from, people would send me random facebook messages, emails, cards, and IMs saying that God gave them the urge to pray for me. I was able to get through winter with a genuine smile on my face because of God's faithfulness in my life. He didn't just TELL me that He was with me, He showed me through people. God encouraged me the whole way through. He reminded me day in and day out, "I will lead you through this. Trust me. I am with you always." Even now He is showing me more of His grace, mercy, and love. I realized that I am SO UNDESERVING of anything He gives me... and yet He doesn't just sprinkle it on me, He POURS IT OUT. After a physically long and cold winter (1. it's April and I'm still using my heater/electrical blanket & wearing my long johns, 2. it's been said that this winter was one of the coldest the whole world has seen in a long time, and 3. being from CA anything below 55 when the sun is out is considered freezing), it's summer time.

SUMMER LOVE. Right now I'm feeling like winter has passed and I'm ready to soak in the sun. The STEMers are coming soon and I feel like I'm getting ready to go on break! HAHA. Things are warming up and I'm feeling the heat- maybe getting a bit more comfortable and feeling a tad bit more agitated/irritated/annoyed by certain habits/routines. I'm not feeling completely LAZY but complacency is starting to creep up on me because things are no longer fresh. I sometimes forget to appreciate the little things and it's become a must to remind myself to live the day as if it were one of the last days in Japan. I'm at that point where I know summer will be 3 months long and so I'm wondering how I'm going to spend those 90 days... but before I know it, summer's going to be over. God is assuring me, there will be no broken hearts by the end of summer... thank God! SO... I'm really trying to FOCUS ON THE GOAL and get in (spiritual) shape for the days to come.

FALL... BAWL? I don't think fall has one like the other seasons so I had to do my best- please bear with me. But yeah, I don't think I'm completely off. :0) Fall's coming and let's just say that the color of leaves won't be the only thing changing. :*( I will start to prepare myself for a major change: 1. Japan --> America 2. Miss Independent from family --> Miss Dependent back under the same roof as the parents 3. Occupation: missionary --> Occupation: unemployed but looking for a government job... just to name a few. I think I will have to start the debriefing process early. I'm reading the book "Re-Entry" (thank you, Faith!) and it tells me about how to leave my one-year mission behind in order for me to move on with my life. I know I've been playing around saying "Happy __ Month Anniversary with Japan," but I don't think it was completely a joke. The book makes it sound like I am in a relationship! Don't get me wrong, the book is good and it has very valid, credible points, but I am just so amazed at how interesting the process of going "back to reality" is. It's true though; if I don't move on, it'll make it hard for me to function back in America. I have to brace myself because just when I think I'm getting used to life in Japan, I have to go back to good ol' USA. I'm sure there will be days where I will be thinking, "Was it all a dream?" Hopefully, it won't be THAT bad but all jokes aside, something tells me that the "readjusting to life in America" is going to be a lot harder than adjusting to life in Japan. I can already picture it: I'm at the airport surrounded by friends and my "Japanese family." The tears are falling uncontrollably- bittersweet tears. I say goodbye and enter the gate. I cry some more as I wait. I read some letters and start to bawl. The memories from Japan are flooding my mind. I think about what/who I'm leaving behind. I wonder what kind of legacy I left and questions start to bombard me, "Did I preach the Gospel with my words/life? Was I effective in my ministry? Was God glorified? How will I be remembered? Will I ever see some of them again? Is God calling me back to Japan in the future?" And then I get myself together, take a deep breath, think of all the friends and family I will be seeing, and say a prayer to God asking Him to give me peace and comfort. I board the plane, take off, knock out due to all the crying, and wake up in sunny Los Angeles, California. It sounds so great... like I have it all figured out... but I have a funny feeling it won't be this simple/easy. But I'm a believer that recognizing, acknowledging, and admitting is half the battle... so here I go.

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit- fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other." -John 15:16-17