Rain, Rain, Go Away!

Dull and gray.
The two words that describe my day.
I want to go out and play.
But I have to study kanji and tutor so there's no way.

That's my poem for the day. :)
I'm feeling a bit under the weather- nothing to be alarmed by; it's just one of the many things you have to get used to while living here.
I didn't realize how much the weather affected my mood!
I always knew there was a reason I wanted to live in California FOREVER. -_-;
I miss the sun.

Maybe it's because it's Month 6 and it's time to evaluate the relationship (after the honeymoon phase has passed and things are looking more comfortable) that I get flashbacks of my time here.
As I ride the train for my 2 hour commute to school and back, random memories flood my mind.
They come out of no where and I catch myself staring blankly into empty space with one hand clutching the handle.
"Wow, it's been 6 months."
Quite unbelievable if you ask me.
Then I remember the words of those who came before: "Each day might seem long but when you look back, you'll realize how fast a year went by."
I think they knew what they were talking about.
10 months = total time I will have spent in Japan.
In a matter of 4 months, I will be wondering what I just did for the past year.
I think it'll be an interesting time of reflection.
I'm pretty sure I will be smiling and laughing a lot.
And then I'll probably cry because I miss Japan and the relationships here so much.
According to my mom, I adjust quickly but have detachment issues.
-_-
But I know that all it will take are some tears and a prayer to help me move on.
I'm learning that what is harder than letting go is the thought of letting go.
So I am bracing myself for the impact and as always: Hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.

What's weird is that I'm getting homesick NOW.
I was A-okay and never really missing home until just about two weeks ago.
However, it's not the kind people assume.
It's NOT a desire to go home because I hate it here, am lonely, is tired, or feeling discouraged.
Not that at all.
It's more like wanting to go home because I miss my friends and family who know what I'm feeling without having to ask and knowing how to respond.
But for the most part, I'm glad I can't get that right now.
It's training.
I can't always EXPECT people to cater to me.
That's probably been one of my biggest revelations: letting go of expectations.
It's hard not to expect; but it's harder when expectations aren't met.
And believe you me, the latter occurs most (almost 99%) of the time.

I just got a package from LA ReComm and there were encouragement notes.
I sat there in my room with wet hair (I ran home in the rain... for fun) and just smiled while reading them.
I cherished every word.
I thought to myself, "Iris, you are so blessed to have these people in your life- people who can encourage you and express exactly how they feel."
Words really impact me.
Some say talk is cheap; but I think for the most part, there is truth to what people say because I want to believe that it comes from the heart.
Words need to be followed by actions and actions need to be confirmed with words- well at least that's what I believe. :)

I love being around people.
But I can definitely say that Japan is making me appreciate "Iris time."
I'm beginning to like doing things on my own... I feel more independent.
Things I never/rarely did alone: watch a movie, eat at a restaurant, take a train, go shopping, study, laundry.
On my to-do list: Practice solitude.

Seems like this entry is full of random thoughts.
Free writing.
One thing rainy days are good for (next to being able to wear cute rainboots): They inspire me to think more and be raw.

I leave you with some words of wisdom from the wise...

Richard G. Scott: "To reach a goal you have never before attained, you must do things you have never before done."

Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”