Patience is Bitter but Its Fruit is Sweet

"Wait for the LORD;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the LORD."

Psalm 27: 14

September 30, 2009 was supposed to be the date that I left for Japan. I think about what I would be doing right now if all had been going according to [my] plan. I would probably be frantically packing... and according to Eric, crying. I'm sure he's not far off- I am a pretty emotional person and goodbyes tend to be hard for me. -_- However, instead of going crazy, I feel at peace typing up this entry. It's bittersweet. Today, I inputted my latest support and I'm like 65% there! Praise God! Considering I have only been raising support for a little less than a month, I am so amazed at how much God has provided for me thus far. He truly is making it all happen and I don't think any of this would've been possible without His hand in every matter. He's really opening doors and giving me the opportunity to trust in Him with EVERYTHING.

To be quite honest, a part of me truly does wish that I would be leaving tomorrow, but another part of me is glad that I still have more time to prepare myself spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. I just keep thinking, "Was it unwise for me to even have a target date? Maybe I should have just given a rough time frame to people..." However, the more I think about it, I realized that it was good that I had a target date to work towards. It just goes to show that no matter what date I set or did not set, it is ultimately all in His hands. He has the final say and not me.

There was a point last week where I was feeling really discouraged. I was trying to be so hopeful and positive about the entire situation but I felt that there were so many hurdles to overcome (finances, visa, housing, etc.). I got frustrated and started to question if God was really calling me to go. I then had to remind myself the reason God called me in the first place. I re-read my testimony and support letter and I was so convinced that these obstacles were not a sign from God that I was no longer called but rather an opportunity to pray harder and trust in Him more. I started thinking, if everything went according to plan and things went smoothly, yeah I would've been happy and I would be on a plane headed for Narita, Japan tomorrow BUT would I have given all glory to God? I realized that sometimes, God makes things not work out according to OUR plans so that He can receive the glory when the situation does work out according to HIS plans. I was so humbled and broken. It is only because this situation is happening that I am able to seek God's guidance, wisdom, and power and see that it is only because of Him that anything is even happening! I truly believe that God is preparing me for something greater. He is trying to show me NOW what He can do so that later, whether it be while I'm in Japan or even a few years down the road, I will have faith that He will pull through- no matter how hopeless the situation may seem.

God never shows us the BIG miracles. He's not going to have an anonymous person send me a $17,000 check. He's surely not going to have me win the lottery. However, He always does show us the small miracles. He reminds me what it is like to have child-like faith through my nine year-old niece who wanted to give me $20 so that "I can survive in Japan." (Bless her heart). He leads people to partner with me by fasting shopping until January 2010, giving work study money, or simply offering whatever they earn or get as allowance. He uses people to encourage me with words (letters/cards/emails/messages) and prayer. This is how faithful He is: He gives us the small miracles and we take a leap of faith knowing that God is in control.

I don't have a new target date. I may go next week or at the end of October. Although I would like to go ASAP, I have learned the hard way that the only date that works is the one God sets. So until then, I am going to be patient and faithful in preparing myself spiritually. God has a purpose for all of this and I know that it will all be revealed in due time. Even as I write, I am starting to get a glimpse of why He is keeping me here just a little longer...

God is never late. He is seldom early. He is always right on time.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

<--- Anne, my niece (she wants to be pen pals... how precious)