For No Apparent Reason...

I had one of the best days ever. :)

I'm guessing the weather had something to do with it.

The weather was nice and sunny. It's finally starting to get warmer.

It's looking a lot more like SPRING! Praise God for the sun (and Son).

Today I...

-got to school on time

-did well on my kanji test

-had a great conversation/hang out time with my unni from school

-ate at a new restaurant and it turned out to be delicious (love going to new places!)

-bought myself a soft twist

-skyped/gchatted with friends from home

-chilled by myself at McDonald's with a cup of coffee

-helped my tutor kid write a diary entry in cursive about his swimming class (it was surprisingly fun)

-tutor kid's mom made me 약밥 (yakbap)

-rode my bike home

-ran in (light) rain with my Asics (thanks mom!)

-shaved my legs for the first time since I arrived

-read Matthew and my favorite parable

-finished watching the Blindside (great movie that I HIGHLY recommend you watch)

One bad thing about today: I lost my dark grey scarf at the Ikebukuro train station. -_-; I bought it at UNIQLO for only 500 yen (around $5.50) and stupid me didn't tie it around my bag (just hung it loosely) and now it's gone. I was sad! I'm not one to lose things... and so I was pretty upset. The only thing that kept me from going crazy was my good mood. It's so funny how that works... things can change so drastically depending on how you feel! But one thing that is constant... is God and His love for you and me! So smile!

It was no "special" day... but I was so happy and joyful.

I couldn't help but smile the whole day.

I'm so grateful to be alive.

God is good. TOO GOOD.

Let's count our blessings... we have SO MUCH to be grateful for!

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

Dull and gray.
The two words that describe my day.
I want to go out and play.
But I have to study kanji and tutor so there's no way.

That's my poem for the day. :)
I'm feeling a bit under the weather- nothing to be alarmed by; it's just one of the many things you have to get used to while living here.
I didn't realize how much the weather affected my mood!
I always knew there was a reason I wanted to live in California FOREVER. -_-;
I miss the sun.

Maybe it's because it's Month 6 and it's time to evaluate the relationship (after the honeymoon phase has passed and things are looking more comfortable) that I get flashbacks of my time here.
As I ride the train for my 2 hour commute to school and back, random memories flood my mind.
They come out of no where and I catch myself staring blankly into empty space with one hand clutching the handle.
"Wow, it's been 6 months."
Quite unbelievable if you ask me.
Then I remember the words of those who came before: "Each day might seem long but when you look back, you'll realize how fast a year went by."
I think they knew what they were talking about.
10 months = total time I will have spent in Japan.
In a matter of 4 months, I will be wondering what I just did for the past year.
I think it'll be an interesting time of reflection.
I'm pretty sure I will be smiling and laughing a lot.
And then I'll probably cry because I miss Japan and the relationships here so much.
According to my mom, I adjust quickly but have detachment issues.
-_-
But I know that all it will take are some tears and a prayer to help me move on.
I'm learning that what is harder than letting go is the thought of letting go.
So I am bracing myself for the impact and as always: Hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.

What's weird is that I'm getting homesick NOW.
I was A-okay and never really missing home until just about two weeks ago.
However, it's not the kind people assume.
It's NOT a desire to go home because I hate it here, am lonely, is tired, or feeling discouraged.
Not that at all.
It's more like wanting to go home because I miss my friends and family who know what I'm feeling without having to ask and knowing how to respond.
But for the most part, I'm glad I can't get that right now.
It's training.
I can't always EXPECT people to cater to me.
That's probably been one of my biggest revelations: letting go of expectations.
It's hard not to expect; but it's harder when expectations aren't met.
And believe you me, the latter occurs most (almost 99%) of the time.

I just got a package from LA ReComm and there were encouragement notes.
I sat there in my room with wet hair (I ran home in the rain... for fun) and just smiled while reading them.
I cherished every word.
I thought to myself, "Iris, you are so blessed to have these people in your life- people who can encourage you and express exactly how they feel."
Words really impact me.
Some say talk is cheap; but I think for the most part, there is truth to what people say because I want to believe that it comes from the heart.
Words need to be followed by actions and actions need to be confirmed with words- well at least that's what I believe. :)

I love being around people.
But I can definitely say that Japan is making me appreciate "Iris time."
I'm beginning to like doing things on my own... I feel more independent.
Things I never/rarely did alone: watch a movie, eat at a restaurant, take a train, go shopping, study, laundry.
On my to-do list: Practice solitude.

Seems like this entry is full of random thoughts.
Free writing.
One thing rainy days are good for (next to being able to wear cute rainboots): They inspire me to think more and be raw.

I leave you with some words of wisdom from the wise...

Richard G. Scott: "To reach a goal you have never before attained, you must do things you have never before done."

Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”

Press Play.

I remember the first day I cried by myself in my room. I was so frustrated/sad because I felt like NO ONE understood me- if someone understood me in a spiritual way there was a cultural, generational, language gap. This was the beginning of God's project called: "Breaking & Humbling Iris." Sometimes I think how cool it would be to have recorded my whole time in Japan- kind of like a reality show. After everything was said and done, how would I feel while watching what I did/felt/said for 10 months? I think we should try to make this happen for the future 1 year missionaries. HAHA.

It's weird because I can say that this week was the best & worst week thus far. But I would like to consider it my best because I really felt God working. It's painful to be disciplined and trained but I believe that in the end, I will come out with deeper faith and trust in God. No need for details but I would like to say thank you for your prayers... they are truly covering me and I felt so empowered/encouraged by them this week!!!

Although I'm physically so far from my parents, it's crazy how I think we're actually getting closer. We don't get to see each other every week but God still works in His mysterious ways and has brought our family closer together. When I was growing up, I heard of mom and daughters being best friends... and to be quite honest, I never really understood that; I thought it was like an "American" thing. But now, I am realizing why people say that and it's true... my mom is my best friend. I tell her everything. :0) There are over a million reasons I love her... and this is just ONE of them: she writes me emails (color-coded) in English & Korean to encourage me with her words of affirmation & love along with the WORD. I love my family. I am TRULY blessed. I realize that more and more while being in Japan. -_-;

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Iris,

"우리가 알거니와 하나님을 사랑하는 자 곧 그의 뜻대로 부르심을 입은 자들에게는 모든 것이 합력하여 선을 이루느니라 "

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

네마음이 힘든것 다안다.

예수님도 네 마음 다아시니, 가까운 날에 큰위로를 주실 것이다.

엄마 아빠보다 더 너를 care 하시고 계시리라 믿는다

엄마가 계속 기도하고 있다.

"그가 나를 단련(Discipline)하신후에 내가 정금(Pure Gold) 같이 나아로리라"

I love you so much!!!!!!!

Love Mom

Song of the moment:

Refiner's Fire

Purify my heart,
Let me be as gold and precious silver.
Purify my heart,
Let me be as gold, pure gold.

Refiner's fire,
My heart's one desire is to be holy
Set apart for You, Lord.
I choose to be holy
Set apart for You, my Master,
Ready to do Your will.

Purify my heart,
Cleanse me from within and make me holy.
Purify my heart,
Cleanse me from my sin, deep within.

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I know this is from God because He's been using 3 different people to tell me the same verse in a span of 3 days. -_-; Thank you, God, for being so loud and clear. I like that God's so direct. This is what's been on my heart lately...

Then He said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?"

-Luke 9:23-25

A Season to Remember.

God's timing is impeccable. Last week was one of those weeks that made you feel like each day went by so slowly but in retrospect the whole week went by pretty fast. I have a feeling that I'm going to have a lot more of these in the coming months... -_-; Before you know it, it'll be August and I'll be heading back to America for a safe and happy landing.

Note to self: time waits for no man. As I enter my 6 month relationship with Japan, I am torn between saying, "I only have 4 months left!" and "I still have 4 months left!" I wonder if it changes anything? One denotes urgency while the other implies positivity. Either way, I'm sure it's good for me. To be honest, I can't believe time has gone by this fast. I seriously feel like it was just last month that I was an emotional mess at the airport while saying goodbye to friends and family. Since then, God has taken me on a bittersweet but mostly SWEET journey. I could not possibly begin to imagine what my life would have been like had I not said, "Yes." I know I say this a lot, but I KNOW WHY GOD BROUGHT ME HERE. There is NEVER a day that has passed without knowing why I came. Of course there were hard, long, not-so-good, feeling blue/lonely, discouraging, under the weather days, but through it ALL God has been right there. One of the songs that has become my anthem during my time here is Hillsong's "Through It All." I like it because the lyrics are so simple yet it says so much.

You are forever in my life

You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness
And I look to You
And I wait on You

I will sing to You, Lord
A hymn of love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
Through it all

Hallelujah, hallelujah

By the end of my 10 month mission trip, I will have gone through all four seasons- both in a physical and spiritual sense. In a season of my "equivalent to vapor" life, every season within the season has been one to remember... forever. A brief |rewind| + |pause| + |fast-forward| of what |has been| + |is now| + |is yet to come|.

SPRING FLING. I've had my share of spring (when I first arrived in October) where everything was so beautiful, new, exciting, and filled with butterflies- kind of like being in "like" (or lust) with someone for the first time. I was full of passion and ready to take on the world, or at least Japan. My theme song was Britt Nicole's "Set the World on Fire." What more can I say?

WINTER BLUES. However instead of summer came winter- I think it was the cold and unpredictable weather affected my emotions. I felt okay and I seemed to be fine but subconsciously I think I was feeling a bit homesick. Although I adjusted well to Japanese culture and life, there was still a part of me that longed for familiarity and the comforts of American culture, TLC from friends and family, and fellowship from a spiritual community. I found myself feeling down and not knowing why... my mood suddenly would be up one moment and down the next- I felt bipolar. I think I make it sound worse than it really was. HAHA. If you asked me how I was, I was truly REALLY GOOD. I was more than happy... I was joyful. I truly was. But of course there were moments where I felt emotionally drained, which in turn affected my physical health. My body was getting used to this new lifestyle and even though it was enduring in the beginning, I began to slowly break down. However, spiritually I had my Friday night service to get me energized and pumped up for the weekend- I truly believe finding that Korean church to sing praise and listen to a sermon was a part of God's divine appointment. If I look back, I sometimes wonder why I was still feeling so happy and how I was able to wake up at 5AM every Saturday morning without complaining about the circumstance. There's only one answer: your prayers. There were days when I literally stopped and thought, "Wow, someone must be praying for me right now." There were moments when I was sad but all of a sudden got really excited and said to myself, "God just reminded someone to pray for me." There were times when I didn't think I had enough to love anyone that day or be patient with someone and yet God gave me an overflow of love and patience. And when I wondered where it came from, people would send me random facebook messages, emails, cards, and IMs saying that God gave them the urge to pray for me. I was able to get through winter with a genuine smile on my face because of God's faithfulness in my life. He didn't just TELL me that He was with me, He showed me through people. God encouraged me the whole way through. He reminded me day in and day out, "I will lead you through this. Trust me. I am with you always." Even now He is showing me more of His grace, mercy, and love. I realized that I am SO UNDESERVING of anything He gives me... and yet He doesn't just sprinkle it on me, He POURS IT OUT. After a physically long and cold winter (1. it's April and I'm still using my heater/electrical blanket & wearing my long johns, 2. it's been said that this winter was one of the coldest the whole world has seen in a long time, and 3. being from CA anything below 55 when the sun is out is considered freezing), it's summer time.

SUMMER LOVE. Right now I'm feeling like winter has passed and I'm ready to soak in the sun. The STEMers are coming soon and I feel like I'm getting ready to go on break! HAHA. Things are warming up and I'm feeling the heat- maybe getting a bit more comfortable and feeling a tad bit more agitated/irritated/annoyed by certain habits/routines. I'm not feeling completely LAZY but complacency is starting to creep up on me because things are no longer fresh. I sometimes forget to appreciate the little things and it's become a must to remind myself to live the day as if it were one of the last days in Japan. I'm at that point where I know summer will be 3 months long and so I'm wondering how I'm going to spend those 90 days... but before I know it, summer's going to be over. God is assuring me, there will be no broken hearts by the end of summer... thank God! SO... I'm really trying to FOCUS ON THE GOAL and get in (spiritual) shape for the days to come.

FALL... BAWL? I don't think fall has one like the other seasons so I had to do my best- please bear with me. But yeah, I don't think I'm completely off. :0) Fall's coming and let's just say that the color of leaves won't be the only thing changing. :*( I will start to prepare myself for a major change: 1. Japan --> America 2. Miss Independent from family --> Miss Dependent back under the same roof as the parents 3. Occupation: missionary --> Occupation: unemployed but looking for a government job... just to name a few. I think I will have to start the debriefing process early. I'm reading the book "Re-Entry" (thank you, Faith!) and it tells me about how to leave my one-year mission behind in order for me to move on with my life. I know I've been playing around saying "Happy __ Month Anniversary with Japan," but I don't think it was completely a joke. The book makes it sound like I am in a relationship! Don't get me wrong, the book is good and it has very valid, credible points, but I am just so amazed at how interesting the process of going "back to reality" is. It's true though; if I don't move on, it'll make it hard for me to function back in America. I have to brace myself because just when I think I'm getting used to life in Japan, I have to go back to good ol' USA. I'm sure there will be days where I will be thinking, "Was it all a dream?" Hopefully, it won't be THAT bad but all jokes aside, something tells me that the "readjusting to life in America" is going to be a lot harder than adjusting to life in Japan. I can already picture it: I'm at the airport surrounded by friends and my "Japanese family." The tears are falling uncontrollably- bittersweet tears. I say goodbye and enter the gate. I cry some more as I wait. I read some letters and start to bawl. The memories from Japan are flooding my mind. I think about what/who I'm leaving behind. I wonder what kind of legacy I left and questions start to bombard me, "Did I preach the Gospel with my words/life? Was I effective in my ministry? Was God glorified? How will I be remembered? Will I ever see some of them again? Is God calling me back to Japan in the future?" And then I get myself together, take a deep breath, think of all the friends and family I will be seeing, and say a prayer to God asking Him to give me peace and comfort. I board the plane, take off, knock out due to all the crying, and wake up in sunny Los Angeles, California. It sounds so great... like I have it all figured out... but I have a funny feeling it won't be this simple/easy. But I'm a believer that recognizing, acknowledging, and admitting is half the battle... so here I go.

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit- fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other." -John 15:16-17

Let Go and Let God.

Enough said.

I am Fragile.

Things I need to work on...

1. Encourage more.

2. Refrain from saying hurtful words.

3. Be honest.

4. Smile more.

5. "Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." (James 1:19)

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."

Y2 Timothy 1:7

Obey > Sacrifice

"But Samuel replied:

'Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices

as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD?

To obey is better than sacrifice,

and to heed is better than the fat of rams.'"

-1 Samuel 15:22

This is theme of our journey: my decision to listen to God's voice to GO and your decision to follow the Holy Spirit's promptings and SEND. They are both an act of obedience.

Let me start by saying this: we cannot obey God unless He gives us a heart to obey Him. But we must ask/seek/desire it.

In the past week, God has really impressed upon my heart what it means to obey God. Sometimes the word has a negative connotation: just do whatever someone tells you. We are expected to follow along without any say or opinion in the matter. Even if we think it is wrong, we have to do what is commanded/demanded of us. However, this occurs when humans have to obey humans.

We've heard all our lives: honor your parents. The Bible tells us that we must honor our parents by obeying them. Sometimes, or most of the time, we don't really feel like obeying our parents but God still expects it of us... why? After much thought, I realized that if we can't even obey the people around us (whom we can see) in the little things (compared to God's greater things) that is asked of us, how can we obey God? Some of you might be thinking that it would be much easier to obey God because He is perfect and holy and thus, you feel that He is worthy of your obedience. I used to have this kind of attitude: "It'd be easy to obey God, but people... they are imperfect so why should I listen to them?" Soon enough I realized that this attitude in itself is not obeying God. God tells me to obey my parents and yet I don't, sometimes. This is not an act of disobedience ONLY to my parents but ALSO to God because He is the One who told me obey my parents. Are you with me?

There are some people that you will be asked to obey that you might not necessarily respect or even like (i.e. church leaders, Presidents, bosses, husbands, etc). However God does not call us to obey based on our emotions but as an act of worship to God. God delights in our obedience. His desire for us is not only to obey but to be JOYFUL when obeying. I don't think we EVER LOSE (in the grand scheme of things) when we choose to obey God. Yes, sometimes obedience requires sacrifice and cost. Yes, sometimes you will be asked to go down a path filled with difficulty and hardship. Yes, sometimes you will suffer. Yes, sometimes you will feel sad/discouraged/lonely/hurt. But God never promised us an easy life when we choose to obey. He does say, however, that it will be worth it because we will be living for His Kingdom, His glory, and His name. God will never give us more than we can handle. He will require us to make tough choices. He will ask us to trust in Him with/in everything. He will give us greater responsibilities. He will push us beyond our limits. BUT He will also give us all the resources to do His work. He will supply us with His power, love, and joy. He will draw us closer to Him. He will pour out His blessings. He will strengthen our inner man with His word. He will lead us through it. He will provide... always. I know that it's so easy to say that we will obey but in actuality A LOT harder (and I mean A LOT harder) to live it out. Obedience is not a one time deal; it's a lifestyle. Take it from me, I KNOW how hard it is to just say YES (and this was not even THAT BIG of a decision). The funny thing is, WE KNOW that we will be blessed but it's sooooooo difficult just to say the three-letter word because there's something inside that tells us that life will not be the same. And yes, you're right... it won't. But God can guarantee that it will get better- it will be greater than what you imagined because God is the Master Builder... not you.

Maybe it's because it's the beginning of STEM, but I am reminded of where I was a year ago. I remember being so sure that God didn't have it in His plans anymore for me to go to Japan. Different circumstances and my selfish heart clouded my vision of what is probably one of the most monumental moments in my life. The scary truth: I ALMOST didn't come. But I thank God for His gracious love. Even though in retrospect I see so many signs that God gave me along the way, of course the human side wanted to ignore those things and follow what I wanted for myself. But praise God that He knows us better than ourselves and that He gave me chance after chance to obey Him. If He just gave up on me after giving me my first sign, I don't know what I'd be doing right now. He never gave up on me.

Around this time last year, I was contemplating if I should go to GLDI or STEM. If I went to GLDI, I was sure that it would be God's way of saying that I should go down a path of politics. If I went on STEM, I was sure that it would be God's way of telling me to go on one year-missions to Japan. The end result: I went to GLDI and now here I am in Japan. HE NEVER WORKS HOW YOU THINK HE WILL. I think God laughs at us so many times. He doesn't get mad... He just thinks we're so cute. "Oh Iris, you have no idea what's coming." All along He knew what would be best for me and here I was, the pottery trying to tell the potter how I should be used. Wow, what nerve I have. HAHA. I truly thank God for His faithfulness. Even when I was unsure and going back and forth in my commitment that I made 3 years ago, He stood by me and gave me the heart to obey. And when I obeyed, my wishy-washy heart stood firm in the PROMISE/HOPE of God. I was no longer being tossed around by the waves... I was walking on water with Jesus! He doesn't just see the bigger picture, He sees the biggest picture. He knows from beginning to end because He is Alpha and Omega.

Pre-obedience = uncertainty, confusion/chaos, doubts, fear, insecurities, and lies.

Post-obedience = peace, trust, faith, truth, joy, anticipation, gratitude, and praise.

I truly cannot imagine my life without this chapter in it. I am so glad I came. I am such an undeserving person and yet He still chose me to come. I am here to be a blessing but I think I'm being blessed more! Being here I realized, I am a nobody... but God chooses to make me a somebody ONLY FOR the sake of Christ. I thought I was so high and mighty but God broke me and is humbling me. I don't think I will ever be HUMBLE ENOUGH. Until I die, I need to always practice humility. Wow, it's the halfway mark but God is revealing so much to me. There is so much I want to say but I cannot even begin to express this heart of mine. All I can say is THANK YOU JESUS for this amazing opportunity. Thank you everyone for joining me and supporting me through this. I hope that with this very, very, very tiny act of obedience to Him, others will be able to follow Jesus's example and obey God's calling for their lives. Our God is a sovereign God. Trust God, you won't regret it.

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There are two people who come to mind as I wrote this. I really believe God is trying to tell you this today: He will reward you for your obedience. I know it was hard to say yes but I pray that now you have made the commitment, you will have faith that God will do as He promised. Japan is hard. There are times when you might think to yourself, "Why am I here?" (or so they say... I have yet to experience this question but I do have 5 months left -_-). But I hope you always remember that God has a plan for you in this nation. Be happiest when you are in the desert because that is when God will show you SOOOOOOO much more about HOW GREAT HE IS. You will be lonely at times (a different kind than what you ever experienced) and you will feel discouraged from time to time but depend on God. It's not "will it come?"... it's more like "when it comes, what will you do and who will you turn to?" TRAIN YOURSELVES NOW! I pray that you will not just know in your head but BELIEVE WITH ALL YOUR HEART that God has called you to Japan for a purpose greater than our finite minds can fathom. He has CHOSEN you to be His hands and feet. He will mature in you a faith that will surpass what you had before coming. He will show you your weaknesses and they will come at you like a tons of bricks. He will break you. He will humble you. He will teach you how to love Him more. He will become your best friend. He's going to bless you so much. He will bring personal revival. I can't be more excited for both of you... truly. Be prepared because HE WILL BLOW YOU AWAY.

"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; He is the faithful God, keeping His covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep His commands."

Deuteronomy 7:9

Happy (Heart) Day!

Today is Valentine's Day. I thought I would be sad/lonely but surprisingly, I'm not. I think it's just Japan... no holiday ever seems like what it is- it's just another day out of the 365 we have in a year. -_-; Asian culture celebrates V-Day with the girls giving the boys chocolate (WHY?). Then on March 14, the guys give CANDY to the girls. SO essentially, a girl must 1) make the initiative, 2) wait a month for the guy's response, and 3) girls don't get chocolate. What's wrong with this picture? (SO MANY THINGS which I won't get into.) -_- HAHA.

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I wrote that on February 14th but never finished it. -_- I forget what the point of it was... that's what happens when you don't finish things then and there- just ruined my flow. But it's okay cuz v-day was spent with church friends and cute candy bags. ;)

Sorry for the MIA-ness. I can't say it's cuz I'm busier, per se, but it's definitely because there are other things that are demanding my time. I will try to do a better job of updating more often! Please keep reading and commenting.

February has been quite the interesting month. For one, it was very very short. I don't know where all the time goes! I can't believe I only have 5.5 months left!!! A month goes by as if it were a week and a week goes by as if it were a day and a day goes by as if it were an hour... you get my drift. HAHA. But it's been amazing to experience the highs and lows of missions. Before coming, I knew it was naive of me to think that I would have only good moments. I think February was definitely one of the hardest, if not the hardest, month on me emotionally and spiritually. I don't know if this is the wall that everyone has been talking about, but things are much more familiar... maybe I'm getting a bit complacent?

There is never a day that goes by that I am not: learning something new about God and/or myself, thinking how undeserving I am of such an opportunity, thankful for all my prayer warriors back at home, and reminded of why I came to Japan. No matter what I did during the end, God is always showing me SOOOOOOOO much of His faithfulness. Even when I haven't been that faithful, He still pours out His grace on me. Even when I haven't put Him as my priority, He still lets me know how precious I am in His sight. Even when I turn to people first before Him, He still comforts and embraces me. Even when I complain about my circumstances, He still listens and gently rebukes- never condemns. Even when I am so selfish, He showers His love on me. Even when I am so weak, He becomes my strong tower. He always encourages me through the Word and people. I've been realizing how often God tries to woo us. He's so romantic. I think I need to stop and appreciate all these things a little more and not take for granted the ways in which He keeps trying to get my attention. I must break His heart time and time again when He tries so hard to get me to love Him and only Him, and yet my eyes, thoughts, time, energy, money, and heart is going toward all the wrong things/people- anything and everything BUT Him sometimes. -_-

Although we don't consciously do it (or maybe we do), we are often putting God aside because we know He'll always be there (which is dangerous mentality). In human relationships, people are always trying to watch what they say and how they act because we are sometimes scared that one wrong move can make the other person leave. As humans, we don't like having those we love leave us after they see the ugly side of us- the sinful side that gets the best of all of us. There is no guarantee with people that someone will stick with you until the end no matter what you say or do. People get hurt. There's only so much we can take before we break. Our love, essentially, is conditional.

But with God, He will never leave us. As His sons and daughters, more often than not, we say the most hurtful things to Him, show Him the worst of our actions (that we dare not show those around us), and tell Him with our lips and lives that we don't need Him and that we don't love Him. Yet despite everything we do, He still loves us. There is no word or action that can separate that love- granted that we are His children. He is our Ultimate Lover. His love is unconditional.

What selfish lover I am. But thank God that He demonstrates the kind of love that we should strive to have for Him and others. It's hard but I want to love God the way He deserves to be loved. I don't want my heart to be in many places... I just want to give my whole heart for the one love who is worthy, King Jesus.

Let's love more.

Mother Teresa once said, "Give until it hurts."