Nuggets of Wisdom

"Dear God,
I am so afraid to open my clenched fists!
Who will I be when I have nothing left to hold on to?
Who will I be when I stand before you with empty hands?
Please help me to gradually open my hands
and to discover that I am not what I own,
but what you want to give me.
And what you want to give me is love,
unconditional, everlasting love.
Amen."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen (The Only Necessary Thing: Living a Prayerful Life)

"A waiting person is a patient person. The word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen

"Waiting is a dry desert between where we are and where we want to be."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen (Finding My Way Home)

"Waiting is never a movement from nothing to something. It is always a movement from something to something more."

— Henri J.M. Nouwen (The Path of Waiting)

"I have found it very important in my own life to try to let go of my wishes and instead to live in hope. I am finding that when I choose to let go of my sometimes petty and superficial wishes and trust that my life is precious and meaningful in the eyes of God something really new, something beyond my own expectations begins to happen for me."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen (Finding My Way Home)

"Here we realize how our wishes tend to be connected with our fears, and fear, of course, prevents us from allowing time in our lives for open-ended waiting. For this reason, a lot of our waiting is not open-ended. Instead, our waiting is a way of controlling the future."

— Henri J.M. Nouwen (The Path of Waiting)

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen

"Somewhere we know that without silence words lose their meaning, that without listening speaking no longer heals, that without distance closeness cannot cure."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen

"When the imitation of Christ does not mean to live a life like Christ, but to live your life as authentically as Christ lived his, then there are many ways and forms in which a man can be a Christian."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen (The Wounded Healer)

"People who read your ideas tend to think that your writings reflect your life."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen

Change.

So I decided to change my layout.

It was very spur-of-the-moment.

Maybe I'm going through a phase. -_-;

The other day, I went to an 8th grade promotion for a family friend in Japan. The school was a very prestigious international school here and I felt like I was in an American bubble. Everyone spoke perfect English and it was by far the largest gathering of Caucasians. I thought I was in Newport Beach.

As I sat and watched the 2.5 hour ceremony, or "celebration" as they liked to call it, I was reminded of my own 8th grade promotion. First off, I remembered why it's called promotion and not graduation. Secondly, 8th grade was 9 years ago (since I'm technically in the 17th grade now a.k.a. "real world"). OMG. I feel so old. Thirdly, kids these days have a greater interest in fashion and dress way better than we did (jeans & a shirt just don't cut it anymore). Lastly, I felt so stupid thinking about how I thought graduating 8th grade was the biggest thing that ever happened to me. If I remember correctly, I think I cried. Anyway, while watching the Class of 2014 get excited and emotional about entering high school, I asked myself two questions: 1) "Was I like this?" and 2) "Why?"

Don't get me wrong- it's a big deal to start a new chapter in your life and become a high school student. However, I couldn't help thinking about how Jr. High is nothing compared to what is to come. I thought these kids were so cute for being so happy about promoting! YAY! But on the other hand, it's not like you graduated HS or college... cuz those two are a big deal! HAHA. Then it hit me: for someone who has gone through that particular phase in life and onto bigger and greater things, it seems like nothing special. But for the one going through it and taking everything in, it's the most important thing and quite possibly the greatest accomplishment yet. I couldn't help but think, "Chh, you think this is big? Wait til you get out of college." Soon after another thought came to mind: Does it ever stop? Are we ever going to not think that what we're going through deserves the greatest importance?

For me, I thought prom was going to be the biggest deal of my life. Then I realized HS graduation was a bigger deal. Then there was college- time to get out of the nest and into the "real world." Now I'm in the real world after the "real world." The next thing I'm looking forward to is finding my husband and getting married. After that, it's going to be so exciting to be a parent. And then after that, being a grandparent is going to be the biggest thing. I don't think it'll ever stop. Life is a constant upward climb and then you die at the peak; and you can't say it's all downhill from there because there's heaven! So since birth, we are on a crescendo.

Here I am thinking that Japan is the greatest thing that's happened in my life. So far, it's been a life-changing experience; something I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. I really think it's going to be one of the 3 most monumental moments in my life. I just can't imagine my life without this very important chapter. However, I'm sure to those who've been through it, they might think how adorable I am for thinking how IMPORTANT this is. It's not to say that they are minimizing the significance of what was experienced in this year, but it might not be as BIG as I think compared to the things that are to come in the future. Will it even matter in a year? Of course these events help us get to the next stage in our lives, but it would be naive of me to think that this is IT- the BIG ONE. But even though we know this fact, we still can't help but get so wrapped up in the moment. I think this is just LIFE. We can't assess the past until we go past the past and see that in the end... the best is yet to come.

So I don't really know why I observed all this while attending a promotion, but I think that it was good to reflect and reach such conclusions. I know that what I'm going through is very special. And I know that even though I spent the whole post trying to convince you (and me) that this is neither the final destination nor ultimate joy, I will still like to think that this has been one of the greatest moments (if not the greatest moment) of my life. Maybe this is the only way we get through life: knowing that every event, phase, moment, stage, and chapter gets better and better as we get toward the end... cuz if we didn't, there'd be no hope to look forward to.

And now, I'm back to square one.

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next."

~Gilda Radner

(P)rayer (R)equests!

God has been working. This week alone He has led three non-Christian friends to open up to me about their problems. It just hit me that I'll be leaving soon and it makes me really sad. I can't think about saying bye to all these people. There are some relationships I have formed since the day I landed and there are others that have just started to bud... the thought of having to say 'sayonara' gets me teary-eyed. However, I pray and trust that the relationships will not end when I leave. If anything I think it is the start of a lifetime of prayer for them. I have committed to praying for them until they receive Jesus. Although I'm not sure when that will be exactly, I have faith that it will be soon. I can't say for certain that we'll keep in touch all that much, because reality is distance does play an important role, but this doesn't mean I won't try... I just have to understand that it won't be the same as when we're living in the same country. -_-; I'm getting sad just thinking about it, so we'll save the tears for later. Please join me in praying for the following people whom God has really impressed upon my heart to love dearly and pray desperately for:

Seto. He's my friend/younger brother from Japanese school (born in 1992; one year younger than my real brother). Background: came from China with his mother (who married a Japanese man) so that he can go to college in Japan. In February, I got to hang out with him on his birthday because it was his first year here and no one to celebrate with. -_-; After that day, we got really close and he started to confide in me about his struggles with loneliness in Japan. During my birthday party he told me that he had no hope. This made me really sad. He told me that he doesn't see the point in why he's alive (not that he wants to commit suicide or anything)... but he feels like he does the same things everyday. I told him that I probably would feel like that if I didn't know Jesus. I was able to share that I came to Japan as a missionary and told him to check out the Chinese church that a missionary in our class started. He seemed to be open to the idea and said that he would go. He's very busy with a part-time job everyday so pray that God will open up his schedule! Let's ask God to be Seto-kun's hope and reason for living!!! He's a dear brother and friend... I really hope that he can meet Jesus. I BELIEVE IT WILL HAPPEN!

Nayoung (top left in the blue shirt wearing glasses). She's one of the first girls I met here and befriended. In class, we were assigned seating by drawing chopsticks. On the third day of school, we got to sit next to each other. She was kinda shy but she tried to talk to me so I thought that was nice/cute of her. HAHA. After spending the first quarter together, she stopped coming to the language school because she found a part-time job. However, we still kept in touch because we have a group of us who always hang out. She's the same age as I and she had a traumatic experience (cult) when she was young and so for a long time she was scared of/hated the church. But now she is slowly opening up. Yesterday she came to Friday night service with me for the first time and she started crying as she shared about her current struggles. She is having a hard time here and she feels depressed. I asked her to pray to God and just be honest with Him about her past and present circumstances. I believe with all my heart that God is tugging at her heart. She is willing to seek God because things are tough and she sees no light at the end of the tunnel. However, I pray that God will use this opportunity to show her just how real He is and how much He loves her. I think she was really blessed yesterday but I ask that you will join me in interceding on her behalf. Let's pray that the Holy Spirit would heal all the pain/scars from her past and be her Ultimate Counselor. Please pray for her family and their salvation as well. She is one of the nicest girls I have ever met... she has a desire to seek God but I think she is stopping herself from being completely vulnerable before God. She is close to believing God... let's ask God to pour out His mercy, grace, and blessing upon her so that she can meet Jesus in Japan before she leaves (in September)!

Emily. She started coming out to church 3 weeks ago. Apparently, she used to come out when she was younger but stopped coming due to some issues in the family. Some say her sister has problems with violence. -_-; I think all she wants/needs is someone to reach out to her. I was able to have lunch with her and she seems to have taken a liking to me. :) I talked almost 95% of the time in my "work in progress" Japanese. HAHA. She seems a bit socially awkward (as in doesn't like to make eye contact with people)... but I am noticing that she is starting to smile a lot more! PRAISE GOD!!! I am hoping that I can reach out to her more and develop a closer relationship with her. I'm sad that she came into my life so late into my time here, but I don't think that time is an issue when God's at work! She is so beautiful and I hope that she can realize that for herself. She is such a precious daughter of God... chosen beloved. Please join me in asking God to open up her heart and letting Him heal her from the inside out. God has great plans for her!!!

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WOW... I'm excited to hear him speak at Passion: Tokyo (this Saturday, May, 22). Please pray that many Japanese will come to experience God at this one-day event! I have a feeling that this week will be spiritually tough because Satan wants to bring me down and keep me from getting blessed. Pray for me that I won't let the spiritual attacks get in the way of receiving God's vision, blessings, and calling through this concert. I have a feeling it's going to be AMAZINGGGGG!!!

I seriously got the chills while watching this clip...

“The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”

-Zephaniah 3:17

For No Apparent Reason...

I had one of the best days ever. :)

I'm guessing the weather had something to do with it.

The weather was nice and sunny. It's finally starting to get warmer.

It's looking a lot more like SPRING! Praise God for the sun (and Son).

Today I...

-got to school on time

-did well on my kanji test

-had a great conversation/hang out time with my unni from school

-ate at a new restaurant and it turned out to be delicious (love going to new places!)

-bought myself a soft twist

-skyped/gchatted with friends from home

-chilled by myself at McDonald's with a cup of coffee

-helped my tutor kid write a diary entry in cursive about his swimming class (it was surprisingly fun)

-tutor kid's mom made me 약밥 (yakbap)

-rode my bike home

-ran in (light) rain with my Asics (thanks mom!)

-shaved my legs for the first time since I arrived

-read Matthew and my favorite parable

-finished watching the Blindside (great movie that I HIGHLY recommend you watch)

One bad thing about today: I lost my dark grey scarf at the Ikebukuro train station. -_-; I bought it at UNIQLO for only 500 yen (around $5.50) and stupid me didn't tie it around my bag (just hung it loosely) and now it's gone. I was sad! I'm not one to lose things... and so I was pretty upset. The only thing that kept me from going crazy was my good mood. It's so funny how that works... things can change so drastically depending on how you feel! But one thing that is constant... is God and His love for you and me! So smile!

It was no "special" day... but I was so happy and joyful.

I couldn't help but smile the whole day.

I'm so grateful to be alive.

God is good. TOO GOOD.

Let's count our blessings... we have SO MUCH to be grateful for!

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

Dull and gray.
The two words that describe my day.
I want to go out and play.
But I have to study kanji and tutor so there's no way.

That's my poem for the day. :)
I'm feeling a bit under the weather- nothing to be alarmed by; it's just one of the many things you have to get used to while living here.
I didn't realize how much the weather affected my mood!
I always knew there was a reason I wanted to live in California FOREVER. -_-;
I miss the sun.

Maybe it's because it's Month 6 and it's time to evaluate the relationship (after the honeymoon phase has passed and things are looking more comfortable) that I get flashbacks of my time here.
As I ride the train for my 2 hour commute to school and back, random memories flood my mind.
They come out of no where and I catch myself staring blankly into empty space with one hand clutching the handle.
"Wow, it's been 6 months."
Quite unbelievable if you ask me.
Then I remember the words of those who came before: "Each day might seem long but when you look back, you'll realize how fast a year went by."
I think they knew what they were talking about.
10 months = total time I will have spent in Japan.
In a matter of 4 months, I will be wondering what I just did for the past year.
I think it'll be an interesting time of reflection.
I'm pretty sure I will be smiling and laughing a lot.
And then I'll probably cry because I miss Japan and the relationships here so much.
According to my mom, I adjust quickly but have detachment issues.
-_-
But I know that all it will take are some tears and a prayer to help me move on.
I'm learning that what is harder than letting go is the thought of letting go.
So I am bracing myself for the impact and as always: Hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.

What's weird is that I'm getting homesick NOW.
I was A-okay and never really missing home until just about two weeks ago.
However, it's not the kind people assume.
It's NOT a desire to go home because I hate it here, am lonely, is tired, or feeling discouraged.
Not that at all.
It's more like wanting to go home because I miss my friends and family who know what I'm feeling without having to ask and knowing how to respond.
But for the most part, I'm glad I can't get that right now.
It's training.
I can't always EXPECT people to cater to me.
That's probably been one of my biggest revelations: letting go of expectations.
It's hard not to expect; but it's harder when expectations aren't met.
And believe you me, the latter occurs most (almost 99%) of the time.

I just got a package from LA ReComm and there were encouragement notes.
I sat there in my room with wet hair (I ran home in the rain... for fun) and just smiled while reading them.
I cherished every word.
I thought to myself, "Iris, you are so blessed to have these people in your life- people who can encourage you and express exactly how they feel."
Words really impact me.
Some say talk is cheap; but I think for the most part, there is truth to what people say because I want to believe that it comes from the heart.
Words need to be followed by actions and actions need to be confirmed with words- well at least that's what I believe. :)

I love being around people.
But I can definitely say that Japan is making me appreciate "Iris time."
I'm beginning to like doing things on my own... I feel more independent.
Things I never/rarely did alone: watch a movie, eat at a restaurant, take a train, go shopping, study, laundry.
On my to-do list: Practice solitude.

Seems like this entry is full of random thoughts.
Free writing.
One thing rainy days are good for (next to being able to wear cute rainboots): They inspire me to think more and be raw.

I leave you with some words of wisdom from the wise...

Richard G. Scott: "To reach a goal you have never before attained, you must do things you have never before done."

Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”

Press Play.

I remember the first day I cried by myself in my room. I was so frustrated/sad because I felt like NO ONE understood me- if someone understood me in a spiritual way there was a cultural, generational, language gap. This was the beginning of God's project called: "Breaking & Humbling Iris." Sometimes I think how cool it would be to have recorded my whole time in Japan- kind of like a reality show. After everything was said and done, how would I feel while watching what I did/felt/said for 10 months? I think we should try to make this happen for the future 1 year missionaries. HAHA.

It's weird because I can say that this week was the best & worst week thus far. But I would like to consider it my best because I really felt God working. It's painful to be disciplined and trained but I believe that in the end, I will come out with deeper faith and trust in God. No need for details but I would like to say thank you for your prayers... they are truly covering me and I felt so empowered/encouraged by them this week!!!

Although I'm physically so far from my parents, it's crazy how I think we're actually getting closer. We don't get to see each other every week but God still works in His mysterious ways and has brought our family closer together. When I was growing up, I heard of mom and daughters being best friends... and to be quite honest, I never really understood that; I thought it was like an "American" thing. But now, I am realizing why people say that and it's true... my mom is my best friend. I tell her everything. :0) There are over a million reasons I love her... and this is just ONE of them: she writes me emails (color-coded) in English & Korean to encourage me with her words of affirmation & love along with the WORD. I love my family. I am TRULY blessed. I realize that more and more while being in Japan. -_-;

--------------------------------

Iris,

"우리가 알거니와 하나님을 사랑하는 자 곧 그의 뜻대로 부르심을 입은 자들에게는 모든 것이 합력하여 선을 이루느니라 "

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

네마음이 힘든것 다안다.

예수님도 네 마음 다아시니, 가까운 날에 큰위로를 주실 것이다.

엄마 아빠보다 더 너를 care 하시고 계시리라 믿는다

엄마가 계속 기도하고 있다.

"그가 나를 단련(Discipline)하신후에 내가 정금(Pure Gold) 같이 나아로리라"

I love you so much!!!!!!!

Love Mom

Song of the moment:

Refiner's Fire

Purify my heart,
Let me be as gold and precious silver.
Purify my heart,
Let me be as gold, pure gold.

Refiner's fire,
My heart's one desire is to be holy
Set apart for You, Lord.
I choose to be holy
Set apart for You, my Master,
Ready to do Your will.

Purify my heart,
Cleanse me from within and make me holy.
Purify my heart,
Cleanse me from my sin, deep within.

--------------------------------

I know this is from God because He's been using 3 different people to tell me the same verse in a span of 3 days. -_-; Thank you, God, for being so loud and clear. I like that God's so direct. This is what's been on my heart lately...

Then He said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?"

-Luke 9:23-25

A Season to Remember.

God's timing is impeccable. Last week was one of those weeks that made you feel like each day went by so slowly but in retrospect the whole week went by pretty fast. I have a feeling that I'm going to have a lot more of these in the coming months... -_-; Before you know it, it'll be August and I'll be heading back to America for a safe and happy landing.

Note to self: time waits for no man. As I enter my 6 month relationship with Japan, I am torn between saying, "I only have 4 months left!" and "I still have 4 months left!" I wonder if it changes anything? One denotes urgency while the other implies positivity. Either way, I'm sure it's good for me. To be honest, I can't believe time has gone by this fast. I seriously feel like it was just last month that I was an emotional mess at the airport while saying goodbye to friends and family. Since then, God has taken me on a bittersweet but mostly SWEET journey. I could not possibly begin to imagine what my life would have been like had I not said, "Yes." I know I say this a lot, but I KNOW WHY GOD BROUGHT ME HERE. There is NEVER a day that has passed without knowing why I came. Of course there were hard, long, not-so-good, feeling blue/lonely, discouraging, under the weather days, but through it ALL God has been right there. One of the songs that has become my anthem during my time here is Hillsong's "Through It All." I like it because the lyrics are so simple yet it says so much.

You are forever in my life

You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness
And I look to You
And I wait on You

I will sing to You, Lord
A hymn of love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
Through it all

Hallelujah, hallelujah

By the end of my 10 month mission trip, I will have gone through all four seasons- both in a physical and spiritual sense. In a season of my "equivalent to vapor" life, every season within the season has been one to remember... forever. A brief |rewind| + |pause| + |fast-forward| of what |has been| + |is now| + |is yet to come|.

SPRING FLING. I've had my share of spring (when I first arrived in October) where everything was so beautiful, new, exciting, and filled with butterflies- kind of like being in "like" (or lust) with someone for the first time. I was full of passion and ready to take on the world, or at least Japan. My theme song was Britt Nicole's "Set the World on Fire." What more can I say?

WINTER BLUES. However instead of summer came winter- I think it was the cold and unpredictable weather affected my emotions. I felt okay and I seemed to be fine but subconsciously I think I was feeling a bit homesick. Although I adjusted well to Japanese culture and life, there was still a part of me that longed for familiarity and the comforts of American culture, TLC from friends and family, and fellowship from a spiritual community. I found myself feeling down and not knowing why... my mood suddenly would be up one moment and down the next- I felt bipolar. I think I make it sound worse than it really was. HAHA. If you asked me how I was, I was truly REALLY GOOD. I was more than happy... I was joyful. I truly was. But of course there were moments where I felt emotionally drained, which in turn affected my physical health. My body was getting used to this new lifestyle and even though it was enduring in the beginning, I began to slowly break down. However, spiritually I had my Friday night service to get me energized and pumped up for the weekend- I truly believe finding that Korean church to sing praise and listen to a sermon was a part of God's divine appointment. If I look back, I sometimes wonder why I was still feeling so happy and how I was able to wake up at 5AM every Saturday morning without complaining about the circumstance. There's only one answer: your prayers. There were days when I literally stopped and thought, "Wow, someone must be praying for me right now." There were moments when I was sad but all of a sudden got really excited and said to myself, "God just reminded someone to pray for me." There were times when I didn't think I had enough to love anyone that day or be patient with someone and yet God gave me an overflow of love and patience. And when I wondered where it came from, people would send me random facebook messages, emails, cards, and IMs saying that God gave them the urge to pray for me. I was able to get through winter with a genuine smile on my face because of God's faithfulness in my life. He didn't just TELL me that He was with me, He showed me through people. God encouraged me the whole way through. He reminded me day in and day out, "I will lead you through this. Trust me. I am with you always." Even now He is showing me more of His grace, mercy, and love. I realized that I am SO UNDESERVING of anything He gives me... and yet He doesn't just sprinkle it on me, He POURS IT OUT. After a physically long and cold winter (1. it's April and I'm still using my heater/electrical blanket & wearing my long johns, 2. it's been said that this winter was one of the coldest the whole world has seen in a long time, and 3. being from CA anything below 55 when the sun is out is considered freezing), it's summer time.

SUMMER LOVE. Right now I'm feeling like winter has passed and I'm ready to soak in the sun. The STEMers are coming soon and I feel like I'm getting ready to go on break! HAHA. Things are warming up and I'm feeling the heat- maybe getting a bit more comfortable and feeling a tad bit more agitated/irritated/annoyed by certain habits/routines. I'm not feeling completely LAZY but complacency is starting to creep up on me because things are no longer fresh. I sometimes forget to appreciate the little things and it's become a must to remind myself to live the day as if it were one of the last days in Japan. I'm at that point where I know summer will be 3 months long and so I'm wondering how I'm going to spend those 90 days... but before I know it, summer's going to be over. God is assuring me, there will be no broken hearts by the end of summer... thank God! SO... I'm really trying to FOCUS ON THE GOAL and get in (spiritual) shape for the days to come.

FALL... BAWL? I don't think fall has one like the other seasons so I had to do my best- please bear with me. But yeah, I don't think I'm completely off. :0) Fall's coming and let's just say that the color of leaves won't be the only thing changing. :*( I will start to prepare myself for a major change: 1. Japan --> America 2. Miss Independent from family --> Miss Dependent back under the same roof as the parents 3. Occupation: missionary --> Occupation: unemployed but looking for a government job... just to name a few. I think I will have to start the debriefing process early. I'm reading the book "Re-Entry" (thank you, Faith!) and it tells me about how to leave my one-year mission behind in order for me to move on with my life. I know I've been playing around saying "Happy __ Month Anniversary with Japan," but I don't think it was completely a joke. The book makes it sound like I am in a relationship! Don't get me wrong, the book is good and it has very valid, credible points, but I am just so amazed at how interesting the process of going "back to reality" is. It's true though; if I don't move on, it'll make it hard for me to function back in America. I have to brace myself because just when I think I'm getting used to life in Japan, I have to go back to good ol' USA. I'm sure there will be days where I will be thinking, "Was it all a dream?" Hopefully, it won't be THAT bad but all jokes aside, something tells me that the "readjusting to life in America" is going to be a lot harder than adjusting to life in Japan. I can already picture it: I'm at the airport surrounded by friends and my "Japanese family." The tears are falling uncontrollably- bittersweet tears. I say goodbye and enter the gate. I cry some more as I wait. I read some letters and start to bawl. The memories from Japan are flooding my mind. I think about what/who I'm leaving behind. I wonder what kind of legacy I left and questions start to bombard me, "Did I preach the Gospel with my words/life? Was I effective in my ministry? Was God glorified? How will I be remembered? Will I ever see some of them again? Is God calling me back to Japan in the future?" And then I get myself together, take a deep breath, think of all the friends and family I will be seeing, and say a prayer to God asking Him to give me peace and comfort. I board the plane, take off, knock out due to all the crying, and wake up in sunny Los Angeles, California. It sounds so great... like I have it all figured out... but I have a funny feeling it won't be this simple/easy. But I'm a believer that recognizing, acknowledging, and admitting is half the battle... so here I go.

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit- fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other." -John 15:16-17

Let Go and Let God.

Enough said.